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Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

When someone I love
is in pain or fear
unsure of what to do
crying or angry

I find myself
instantly geared
for superhero mode

awesome photo by Laura Glover

ready to swoop in
red cape sailing
shiny boots glinting
fists on hips

I’m ready to rescue
lift you out of the dark
erase your fear
remove your pain

But that’s not my job

And when I do
try to swoop in
with a fancy cape
and all the answers

I deny God
the opportunity to speak
the opportunity to heal
the opportunity to grow closer
to a beloved child

But
I find myself thinking
God can’t want this for you!
God must have put in my heart
to jump in
to share wisdom
to lift you

up up and away

But who am I to know
what God wants for you?
what God will use
in your life
to bring you closer to Him?

For I myself
have had hurts
traumatic pain
unhappy experiences

And God has used each one
to make me who I am

And so I must
fold up my cape
store away the boots

And let God
be the superhero
you need

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1337950_45020022Stop being so mean
saying such horrible things
squelching the spirit
paralyzing with doubt
creating a life of insecurity

Stop being so cruel
aggressive and angry
ripping apart dreams
tearing open old wounds
with smug satisfaction

Stop being so harmful
your unhealthy coping
never satisfies the ache
only leaving you empty
or full
of regret

Stop being so critical
so quick to judge
refusing to be kind
or forgiving
for even the tiniest of things

Stop living in the past
accepting only negative interpretations
of how things are
or were
and how you are to blame

Stop it!
I say to myself
with hope
that this time
I will listen

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When I first start
setting boundaries

It’s awkward

I don’t always say
the right thing
the right way
using
the right words
the right inflections

So people react without saying
the right thing
the right way
using
the right words
the right inflections

Sometimes
that makes me want to stop
setting boundaries

But I can’t.

Because I need them
and even though you may not like it
you need me to have them
for our relationship to be real

We need to express our needs
We need to express our true selves
In order to really know each other
Not who we think we are
Not who we should be
Not just making it work
Not just keeping the peace

Because I want to be
the real me
flawed and awkward

Because deep down
I like me
flawed and awkward

and I’m hoping
you will like
the real me
too
boundaries 6

 

Other boundary posts:
Boundaries
Setting Boundaries

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Sometimes
it’s hard to accept a gift

For I learned
gifts often came tied with stringsstrings
future expectations
future requirements
on my behavior
on my attitude
despite other
confusing unpleasantness

So when I take the package
and unwrap the layers
I accept the twisted strands
and coil them around my wrist
knowing I could be asked
for something in return
at any given moment

Tug.

Instantly
I lose my ability
to say no,
not right now,
sorry, I can’t.
that’s not how I feel.
I don’t want to.

But now I’ve learned
Not everyone feels that way
Not everyone has expectations of return
Not everyone laces invisible strings
around the package

And even if they do
I am not obligated
to tie that string around my wrist
to follow the tug
or to be
anything other
than me

Instead I can watch the strands
swirl around my arm
not a thick string
but a chiffon scarf
that flutters to the ground

For I can choose
I can control
what I am willing to accept
and there are
no strings on me

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I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings
I didn’t mean for you to take it that way
I didn’t mean to make you sad
I didn’t mean for you to react like that

My intent was not to hurtknowmyworth.com
My intent was not to bully
My intent was not to get my way
I don’t think it was…
because usually…

My intent was not about you at all.

But my impact?

I did hurt your feelings
I did make you sad
You did react
You did take it that way

And that’s what matters
My impact.
And that’s what I need to be aware of
My impact.
And that’s what I need to repair
My impact.

Because no matter my intent, my impact hurt you.
And I am very sorry.
And let’s talk.
so we can use words and language
to bring my impact
in line with my intention
and heal.

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You are angry with me
and my reaction
is fear
bewildered
loss

I don’t know what to do
I don’t know how to act
I don’t know how to be
and I feel
that it’s my fault
that it’s now my role
to soothe your anger
to fix the situation
to change myself
to hide in shame

I didn’t meet your expectations
I didn’t do things as you would have done
I didn’t know the right way to answer
I didn’t prevent this very moment

But then I remember
I am a grown woman
who has thoughts
and feelings
that are just as valid
as anyone else

And I remember
it’s not actually
my job
to fix your anger

your anger
is your feeling
and just because
you have a feeling
I am not required
to do anything

Trying to force me
to change – to do or be
what you want me to do or be
is bullying

Your anger belongs to you
and you have every right to feel it
You can believe it’s righteous
You can believe it’s justified
You can believe it requires action

And I can disagree.

If I change
I will change for me
If you change
You will change for you

and if we continue to disagree
and you continue to be angry with me
then our paths will change

Because I will no longer be
afraid of anger

afraid of anger

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Oh, here, let me

Oh here, how about like this

Oh here, I know what you can do

Oh here, I can help

Oh here, I can do that for you

Oh here, I can make it happen

Oh here, why don’t you do it like this…

Oh here, what if you…

Oh here, how about like this…

Oh hereThe Fixer
let me
fix
everything
because
I’m the fixer

I can fix most anything
I have the best of ideas
and lots of solutions

because I am smart
and see things clearly

because I am helpful
and willing to assist

because I am giving
and have much to give

Yet
truly and deeply
if I look in my soul
I’m a fixer
to feel needed and wanted
and smart and resourceful
and important and liked
and loved

Yet
I am already all of these things
without fixing for you
so I will let you fix you
and maybe spend a little time
fixing me

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I’ve been doing a little thinking about boundary setting lately…

boundaries

boundaries

What is your perspective?

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Interesting
how I am always tryingflowers
to take care of you
how I strain and sweat
to make sure you are ok
to make sure you are happy
to make sure your feelings aren’t
hurt
regardless of how
I am feeling

But that’s not my job
it’s not up to me
to take care of you

You are grown
You are an adult
You can make your own decisions
You can make your own choices
You can handle
your own consequences

I don’t need to be involved
I don’t need to monitor
I don’t need to
make sure
everything is ok

Yet I do.

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Being a good person
loving and caring

Being a good teacher
guiding and imparting

Being a good partner
considerate and helpful

Being a good provider
feeding and sheltering

Being a good coach
available and accountable

Being a good child
obedient and achieving

Being a good parent
shaping and modeling

Being a good friend
listening and encouraging

All good things
Yes, indeed

Yet
not one of my roles
not one of the things I do
no matter how “good”
I am at it
no matter how “bad”
I am at it
not one of these things
determines my worth

I have worth.
I have value.
No matter what.

I have value just for being me

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