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Posts Tagged ‘guilt’

Sometimes
I have to say no.

It’s important for me to do so
and it’s being true
to what I am really feeling

So I say no
not today
not now
I’m sorry, I can’t

But then the guilt.

It washes over me
floods my thoughts
churns in my belly

How can I say no?
They need me
need my help
need my service
and maybe need God through me

so the thoughts keep spinninglose me
that I’m just being selfish
and would it have really hurt me
to drop what I’m doing
to add more to my plate
and would it have really hurt me
to give one more afternoon

because people give to me
and so shouldn’t I give back
all that I have?
all that I am?

but then I remember
what I can be like
when I don’t take care of myself
the tailspin I can create
the emotional states
the physical decline

and then I remember
that when people give to me
give in healthy ways
it doesn’t require
of loss of myself
to them
it is a gift

and then I remember
that setting boundaries
establishing limits
makes me MORE able to help
more able to be present
more able to be me
in those times that
are appropriate

and that’s woman –
that’s who
they were asking for
in the first place

Originally published 11.23.2012

If you can use a little help saying NO without feeling guilt,
you may like to join my FREE online class, this Wednesday.
(recording will be available)
Click here for info and registration.say no

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You are angry with me
and my reaction
is fear
bewildered
loss

I don’t know what to do
I don’t know how to act
I don’t know how to be
and I feel
that it’s my fault
that it’s now my role
to soothe your anger
to fix the situation
to change myself
to hide in shame

I didn’t meet your expectations
I didn’t do things as you would have done
I didn’t know the right way to answer
I didn’t prevent this very moment

But then I remember
I am a grown woman
who has thoughts
and feelings
that are just as valid
as anyone else

And I remember
it’s not actually
my job
to fix your anger

your anger
is your feeling
and just because
you have a feeling
I am not required
to do anything

Trying to force me
to change – to do or be
what you want me to do or be
is bullying

Your anger belongs to you
and you have every right to feel it
You can believe it’s righteous
You can believe it’s justified
You can believe it requires action

And I can disagree.

If I change
I will change for me
If you change
You will change for you

and if we continue to disagree
and you continue to be angry with me
then our paths will change

Because I will no longer be
afraid of anger

afraid of anger

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Sometimes
I have to say no.

It’s important for me to do so
and it’s being true
to what I am really feeling

So I say no
not today
not now
I’m sorry, I can’t

But then the guilt.

It washes over me
floods my thoughts
churns in my belly

How can I say no?
They need me
need my help
need my service
and maybe need God through me

so the thoughts keep spinning
that I’m just being selfish
and would it have really hurt me
to drop what I’m doing
to add more to my plate
and would it have really hurt me
to give one more afternoon

because people give to me
and so shouldn’t I give back
all that I have?
all that I am?

but then I remember
what I can be like
when I don’t take care of myself
the tailspin I can create
the emotional states
the physical decline

and then I remember
that when people give to me
give in healthy ways
it doesn’t require
of loss of myself
to them
it is a gift

and then I remember
that setting boundaries
establishing limits
makes me MORE able to help
more able to be present
more able to be me
in those times that
are appropriate

and that’s woman –
that’s who
they were asking for
in the first place

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His grace surrounds you no matter what you do, or is done to you.
God cloaks you in His love, and hugs you tight.

♥ No shame, no guilt. ♥
No matter what.

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When I make a mistake
or even when someone else does
I suddenly take on these intense feelings
of responsibility
of shame
of fear

I am suddenly the guilty party
I assume all the blame
I shoulda done something differently
I shoulda said something else
I shoulda known better
I shoulda kept you from…

Oh, so sorry!
Sorry I said that mistakenly!
Sorry I did that accidentally!
Sorry that happened to you!
Sorry I didn’t step in and stop you!
Sorry I didn’t fix it before it was even broken!

Why do I think I have to be perfect?

It’s not my fault
It’s not your fault

In fact –
There doesn’t HAVE TO BE fault.

wow. Can I really believe that?
with God’s help
with God’s grace
Yes.

Mistakes aren’t the end of the world
Not when I make them
Not when you make them

They are just mistakes
We learn
and move on

No need to
feel stupid
rejected
or rejectable

No need to
assume any blame
beat myself down
for having not anticipated the situation
for not being perfect

It was just a mistake
And NO
it’s not all my fault.

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Why am I “Sorry?”

Why do I say “I’m sorry” when I have done nothing wrong?

It’s especially rotten when I say it
after you have hurt me
When you should be apologizing.

Do I feel guilt?
Do I feel shame?
Do I feel pity?

Something in me wants to make you feel better.
But what about how I feel?

I don’t have to be sorry when I have done nothing wrong.
I don’t have to be sorry when you hurt me.
I don’t have to accept the feelings of guilt, the feelings of shame, the feelings of pity.
Those feelings are toxic.

I will not allow you to try to make me to feel sorry when I have done nothing wrong.
I have value.

I’m not sorry
and that’s ok.

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