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Ding Dong.ding dong

I’m here.
I’m at the house.
I’m ready to go in.

Or am I?

For as soon as I do
will I remember

who I am?

Will I be labeled
with my past
with my mistakes
with my dark times?

Will I be labeled
with old nicknames
with old jokes
with old embarrassing stories?

Failed expectations
of who I am “supposed to” be

Will I fall into
the role of child
of black sheep
of petulant teen?

Will I fall into
old habits
old patterns
old thinking?

Will I remember
all I have become
all I have learned
all that has changed

All that I am?

I must.
I can.

I will.

I will set boundaries.
I will stand up for myself kindly and openly.
I will take a deep breath whenever I need to.
I will remember my worth.

Ding Dong.

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Interesting
how I am always tryingflowers
to take care of you
how I strain and sweat
to make sure you are ok
to make sure you are happy
to make sure your feelings aren’t
hurt
regardless of how
I am feeling

But that’s not my job
it’s not up to me
to take care of you

You are grown
You are an adult
You can make your own decisions
You can make your own choices
You can handle
your own consequences

I don’t need to be involved
I don’t need to monitor
I don’t need to
make sure
everything is ok

Yet I do.

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