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Posts Tagged ‘codependency’

I wandered the streets
looking for a home
looking to be welcomed
looking to be loved

You found me.

You took me in
gave me shelter
gave me love
gave me hope.

I ate the finest vittles
Slept warmly on your bed

I reveled in the gentle caresses
behind my ears, down my spine
along my underbelly
with tender fingertips
and feathery whispers

You told me
I was beautiful
You needed me
I was amazing
You wanted me
I was important.

Your loyal pet
through everything
and everywhere

Comforting you in hard times
Celebrating with you in the good

Listening to your every word
with genuine care and attention,
empathy and silent understanding

Fiercely protective
Genuinely devoted

You bathed me
with soap
and love
I felt special
and brave
and safe

I’d found my home.

But things changed.
You changed.

You stopped letting me inside
annoyed at my presence

You stopped feeding me
angry when I begged for scraps

You stopped loving me
withholding soft words and touches

You called me disgusting.

I tried to remind you
of all that I added to your life
of how much I loved you
and how much you needed me

But you didn’t remember.

Others around you
made sure I didn’t get inside
They kicked me, ignored me, starved me
they never liked you having me anyway.

Kick a dog enough times
eventually it gets the hint.

I don’t belong to you anymore.

I am no longer wanted,
needed, or special.
And there is
nothing
I can do
to change that.

So I wander off
a stray once again
looking for a home
where someone
will love me.

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Love.

Abstract yet concrete.real love
Emotion yet thought.
Noun yet verb.

The more we give,
the more we get…
right?

Well, no.
It doesn’t always work that way.

Sometimes we give and give and give
and we feel an empty space
in return

But is that real love?

Because sometimes
the love we are giving
isn’t exactly the
pure and selfless love
we believe it to be

When we give love
with expectations of reciprocity

When we give love
with a need for fulfillment
from others

We aren’t giving pure, true love.

Pure true love
comes from our Creator.

Pure true love
has an endless supply.

Pure true love
fills us up as we give it away

And pure true love
doesn’t need for us to do anything at all.

Just to be.
Just to give.
Through me – not because of me – not for me.

And I want to live
in that kind of love
each and every day.

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I’m excited to share that I’m going to be learning more about this kind of love as I leave for Ethiopia this week to work with an organization called Bring Love In.  They bring widows and orphans together to create “forever families” as well as help keep other families intact.

I’m going as a Coach, but I’m mostly ready to spend my time listening, learning and loving. Thank you for sending your prayers and good thoughts with me, as I know they will be absorbed by me, and in turn felt by all I meet.

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setting boundaries

 

Setting boundaries –
What does it even mean?

Is it saying no? Is it saying stop? Is it saying
I don’t like that? I won’t do that?

Is it as simple as
sticking up for me?

Maybe I need skills
Maybe I need practice
Maybe I just need
to do it.

Setting limits can be awkward
The consequences unknown
The possibilities for
rejection
loom

But it’s worth it.

It’s worth it to be heard
able to voice how I feel
even to myself

It’s worth it to know
where I begin
and another person ends

It’s worth it to allow
each of us to fully experience
our own lives as they unfold

It’s worth it to feel
the freedom
of being myself

letting go of the need for approval
letting go of the need for perfection
letting go of the need to fix things

And being willing to
just be me.

If you can use some guidance and practice setting boundaries while still being nice, my newest small-group online workshop begins tomorrow! Click for details.

still being nice

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Full of air
but not of helium

filled withballoon
your own breath
your own hopes
your own dreams

it floats just above the ground
threatening to land on
sharp grass
jagged fence posts
my fork

And now it seems

It’s my job to keep it afloat
It’s my job to protect it from hot lava
It’s my job to bounce it higher
It’s my job to guard it safely

It certainly seems my job
not to be the one 
to pop it

And so I reach out to lift up
up up up
into the light

words of praise

And so I reach out to protect
tap tap tap
away from harm

words of encouragement

But as I reach out,
I may say the wrong words
I may do the wrong actions

Because it’s not my balloon.

And as I reach out,
I may miss
and that balloon
it may pop

So I can’t be the one
who holds your balloon

So I can’t be the one
to sustain it in air

So I can’t be the one
to guard you from disappointment

And I can’t be responsible
for your balloon.

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Sometimes
I get so busy

making sure everyone
has what they need

making sure everything
gets done as it should

making sure everywhere
has been shopped or cleaned

that I forget to
STOP.

And I forget to
BE

making sure
I take care
of everyday me

It's OK to take care of me too

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Thank you, Amazing Creator
for loving me
in a way
that no human could dothe only perfect love is God's love

For showing me
that I am worthy
of that love

That perfect love.

Yet any and every time
I try to find that perfect love
here on Earth
here in another person

I will be disappointed.

But it’s a reality that
we just can’t love
the way you can

we are flawed
sometimes selfish
often clueless

So I will
stop looking for
perfect love
in people

I will be satisfied
with finding it
only in you

And I will let people
be imperfect in their love
just like me.

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magazines by Zela rgbstock.com

Too many things to read
Too many words to absorb

Too many things to write
Too many words to express

Too many things to do
Too many hopes to fulfill

Too many things to say
Too many people to help

Too many  things to achieve
Too many resolutions to realize

Too many expectations.

Who puts all this on me?
How did I get to this place?
Who is responsible?
How can it be fixed?
Who must take action?

Oh, Me.
All me.

So in one moment
with one choice

I can hit “Delete”
I can say “No”

I can throw them away
and change all the expectations.

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