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Posts Tagged ‘not perfect’

I don’t like being messy.

EmotionalWoman
Hurting
Unsure
Unaware

But no one does. No one likes it.
And yet WE ALL ARE at times.
We all HAVE TO BE at times.

And it’s ok.

Because being messy
is being ME

it’s being real
not an artificial robot

always on top of things
ahead of the curve
having it all together

the strong one
filled with cliches

I must remember
being strong
can be messy
sometimes too

I can be both
brave and scared
sad and hopeful
strong and messy

And the reality
is that
in order to 
be strong
I have to be
allow myself to be messy

even when I don’t like it.

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Oh Creator,
Give me the desire and the ability

to forgive myself

for times of being unaware
and not seeing things as clearly as I do now

for times of seeing acceptance
in people instead of you

for times of being naive
getting caught in someone’s snares

for times my words or actions
didn’t match who I want myself to be

for times of being human
needing space to learn and heal

for times of needing help
letting go of past hurts and old patterns

Give me the ability, desire, and the courage
to be compassionate with myself
to take steps forward
to believe I am worthy
just as I am.

04.23b self forgiveness prayer

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Thank you, Amazing Creator
for loving me
in a way
that no human could dothe only perfect love is God's love

For showing me
that I am worthy
of that love

That perfect love.

Yet any and every time
I try to find that perfect love
here on Earth
here in another person

I will be disappointed.

But it’s a reality that
we just can’t love
the way you can

we are flawed
sometimes selfish
often clueless

So I will
stop looking for
perfect love
in people

I will be satisfied
with finding it
only in you

And I will let people
be imperfect in their love
just like me.

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magazines by Zela rgbstock.com

Too many things to read
Too many words to absorb

Too many things to write
Too many words to express

Too many things to do
Too many hopes to fulfill

Too many things to say
Too many people to help

Too many  things to achieve
Too many resolutions to realize

Too many expectations.

Who puts all this on me?
How did I get to this place?
Who is responsible?
How can it be fixed?
Who must take action?

Oh, Me.
All me.

So in one moment
with one choice

I can hit “Delete”
I can say “No”

I can throw them away
and change all the expectations.

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I want to live my truth

and yet…

I struggle to define it

what is real?
what speaks directly to my heart?
how do I define this life?

What is truth?My path, my truth

Others want to define truth for us
teachers, pastors, parents, friends

And for much of my life
I let them

and yet…

I don’t think I can
any longer

I feel fear
breaking molds
not meeting expectations
not fitting in

and yet…

I feel free
living authentically
living my truth
building my own faith

I will say
what it is I believe

I will determine
what is “right”

I will know
what God speaks to my heart

I will release
judgment and fear

I will be ready
to follow my heart
and all
that is revealed

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I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings
I didn’t mean for you to take it that way
I didn’t mean to make you sad
I didn’t mean for you to react like that

My intent was not to hurtknowmyworth.com
My intent was not to bully
My intent was not to get my way
I don’t think it was…
because usually…

My intent was not about you at all.

But my impact?

I did hurt your feelings
I did make you sad
You did react
You did take it that way

And that’s what matters
My impact.
And that’s what I need to be aware of
My impact.
And that’s what I need to repair
My impact.

Because no matter my intent, my impact hurt you.
And I am very sorry.
And let’s talk.
so we can use words and language
to bring my impact
in line with my intention
and heal.

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You are angry with me
and my reaction
is fear
bewildered
loss

I don’t know what to do
I don’t know how to act
I don’t know how to be
and I feel
that it’s my fault
that it’s now my role
to soothe your anger
to fix the situation
to change myself
to hide in shame

I didn’t meet your expectations
I didn’t do things as you would have done
I didn’t know the right way to answer
I didn’t prevent this very moment

But then I remember
I am a grown woman
who has thoughts
and feelings
that are just as valid
as anyone else

And I remember
it’s not actually
my job
to fix your anger

your anger
is your feeling
and just because
you have a feeling
I am not required
to do anything

Trying to force me
to change – to do or be
what you want me to do or be
is bullying

Your anger belongs to you
and you have every right to feel it
You can believe it’s righteous
You can believe it’s justified
You can believe it requires action

And I can disagree.

If I change
I will change for me
If you change
You will change for you

and if we continue to disagree
and you continue to be angry with me
then our paths will change

Because I will no longer be
afraid of anger

afraid of anger

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Being a good person
loving and caring

Being a good teacher
guiding and imparting

Being a good partner
considerate and helpful

Being a good provider
feeding and sheltering

Being a good coach
available and accountable

Being a good child
obedient and achieving

Being a good parent
shaping and modeling

Being a good friend
listening and encouraging

All good things
Yes, indeed

Yet
not one of my roles
not one of the things I do
no matter how “good”
I am at it
no matter how “bad”
I am at it
not one of these things
determines my worth

I have worth.
I have value.
No matter what.

I have value just for being me

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Dear God,

With all my heart,
This year
2013
I give to you

Every year
I spend so much time
setting goals
figuring and strategizing
planning and organizing
mapping and preparing

for what?
illusion of control

This year
2013
I want to let go
of my need to control

of knowing
HOW
everything will turn out

of knowing
WHICH
is the “right” way

of knowing
WHERE
my path winds

I want to
let go of knowing
every little thing

This year
2013
I want to rest
and let you
do the figuring
the mapping
planning

And if I let you
You will guide me
and hold my hand
You will lead me
and lift the light
You will carry me
in your arms
You will give me the strength
to let it all go

This year
2013
my only plan
is to have no plan
of my own
and God,
you do all the knowing

God, I give 2013 to you

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Do thisphoto by Maria Herrera
Do that

Say this
Say that

Think this
Think that

Buy this
Buy that

It’s gotta be done
It’s gotta be perfect
It’s gotta be just right
It’s gotta be now
for you to love me

BUT
that’s not the truth
AND
I take a deep breath
SO
I can slow my pace
I can stop the spin
I can be myself
I can sit still
and breathe

FOR
no matter what I
do
say
think
buy

I have worth
I am loved
and
I can rest

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