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Posts Tagged ‘self esteem’

I have a fear
of not being heard
of not being understoodThinking

of not being known.

Sometimes
I think this leads me to say
most every little thing
I am feeling or thinking.

But I am learning
I don’t have to
say it all.

Not everyone needs to hear me.
Not everyone needs to understand me.

And most people aren’t going to understand me anyway.
And that’s OK.

I think
what it comes down to
is that to be heard
I actually don’t need to be listened to
by anyone
but me.

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Sometimes
I have to say no.

It’s important for me to do so
and it’s being true
to what I am really feeling

So I say no
not today
not now
I’m sorry, I can’t

But then the guilt.

It washes over me
floods my thoughts
churns in my belly

How can I say no?
They need me
need my help
need my service
and maybe need God through me

so the thoughts keep spinninglose me
that I’m just being selfish
and would it have really hurt me
to drop what I’m doing
to add more to my plate
and would it have really hurt me
to give one more afternoon

because people give to me
and so shouldn’t I give back
all that I have?
all that I am?

but then I remember
what I can be like
when I don’t take care of myself
the tailspin I can create
the emotional states
the physical decline

and then I remember
that when people give to me
give in healthy ways
it doesn’t require
of loss of myself
to them
it is a gift

and then I remember
that setting boundaries
establishing limits
makes me MORE able to help
more able to be present
more able to be me
in those times that
are appropriate

and that’s woman –
that’s who
they were asking for
in the first place

Originally published 11.23.2012

If you can use a little help saying NO without feeling guilt,
you may like to join my FREE online class, this Wednesday.
(recording will be available)
Click here for info and registration.say no

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Full of air
but not of helium

filled withballoon
your own breath
your own hopes
your own dreams

it floats just above the ground
threatening to land on
sharp grass
jagged fence posts
my fork

And now it seems

It’s my job to keep it afloat
It’s my job to protect it from hot lava
It’s my job to bounce it higher
It’s my job to guard it safely

It certainly seems my job
not to be the one 
to pop it

And so I reach out to lift up
up up up
into the light

words of praise

And so I reach out to protect
tap tap tap
away from harm

words of encouragement

But as I reach out,
I may say the wrong words
I may do the wrong actions

Because it’s not my balloon.

And as I reach out,
I may miss
and that balloon
it may pop

So I can’t be the one
who holds your balloon

So I can’t be the one
to sustain it in air

So I can’t be the one
to guard you from disappointment

And I can’t be responsible
for your balloon.

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Well, lovelies,
I have to tell you
I’ve been having so much fun
in the Know My Worth Workshop
this month, that I’m doing a new one for May!

Let me tell you a little about it… (video)

So, are you tired of always trying to have it all together?
Being micro-managed by unrealistic expectations?

We fool ourselves into thinking perfectionism is one of those “weaknesses” we love to have. That we are just striving for excellence and being our best.

But actually, perfectionism causes
anxiety, depression, irritability and isolation.

I am tired of going it alone, being strong, having it “all together”
when inside I’m often falling apart.

I hope you will stand with me, and practice a little Un-Perfectionism!

We start Friday!
click here or on the image for more details.

PUP workshop

Blessings!

PS – I want it to be a small group, creating the safety of getting to know each other and personalized support, so “seats” are limited to 21 women.  And it’s only $99 for the entire 21 days – that’s the cost of a single coaching session.

PPS – the first 10 registrants also get a special bonus gift!  Check it out 🙂

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And it's all beautiful

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I ask a question
and you just ignore me
moving into other topics
as if I said nothing

I share an idea
and you just ignore me
I still have worth, outside of you.asking others for feedback
as if I said nothing

I strain
I strive
Aching for you to notice me
Yearning for you to appreciate me

I want you to be proud of me
I want to feel the glow
of “doing good”

But that just isn’t happening.
And it’s not going to happen.

So I need to remember
reality check time

my worth is not determined
by your approval.

My worth is not determined
by how much you like me
by how smart you think I am
by how much I add to the conversation

It may feel a little extreme, but I realize…
You don’t have to like me.
You don’t have to think I’m smart.
You don’t have to want to hear me.

You don’t have to even see me.

I still have worth
outside of you.

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When something
or someone
here on Earth

hurts me
oh so badly

their words or deeds
penetrate my soul

the betrayal of spirit
the helplessness and futility

wounds of the heart
that seem to bleed and ooze

I need to take a moment
to stop and think
instead of feel

because when someone is able to hurt me to the core
it could actually be a sign
of my own unhealthy attachment

of my own expectations
that THIS PERSON will fulfill my needs
that A PERSON could fulfilll my needs

When we are all
just people
trying to survive
trying to figure it out for ourselves

And when someone hurts me
betrays me
mocks me
forgets me
ignores me

It’s not about me

It’s about them
finding their own way
figuring out their own mess
living their own truth
dealing with their own demons

I need to let it go
because their actions
their behaviors
are not a reflection of me
or of my worth

and I’m the only one
who can choose
to stop internalizing
to stop owning their mess
to stop
hurting so badly

let them own it

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