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Posts Tagged ‘gifts’

All the shopping
food and gifts

All the wrapping
ribbons and bows

All the baking
flour and sugar

All the decorating
colors and lights

All the cleaning
fresh and fragrant

All of it
fun
until it isn’t.

All of it
because I want to
until it isn’t.

All of it
at once…

until I say
wait.

And I take a deep breath
and I remember why
and I make choices
to do only
what it suits me
to do

Because I just can’t
Because I just won’t

DO or BE
all of it all.

Merry Christmas Everyone!
Christine

My worth is not measured here

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Sometimes
it’s hard to accept a gift

For I learned
gifts often came tied with stringsstrings
future expectations
future requirements
on my behavior
on my attitude
despite other
confusing unpleasantness

So when I take the package
and unwrap the layers
I accept the twisted strands
and coil them around my wrist
knowing I could be asked
for something in return
at any given moment

Tug.

Instantly
I lose my ability
to say no,
not right now,
sorry, I can’t.
that’s not how I feel.
I don’t want to.

But now I’ve learned
Not everyone feels that way
Not everyone has expectations of return
Not everyone laces invisible strings
around the package

And even if they do
I am not obligated
to tie that string around my wrist
to follow the tug
or to be
anything other
than me

Instead I can watch the strands
swirl around my arm
not a thick string
but a chiffon scarf
that flutters to the ground

For I can choose
I can control
what I am willing to accept
and there are
no strings on me

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Please
don’t buy me anything
don’t get me a gift
so much turmoil surrounds it
it’s just not fun

Agonizing issues with gifts.

What if I don’t get you something?
What if mine’s not good enough?
What if I don’t really like it?
What if I disappoint you with my reaction?

what do you want in return?
only gratitude?
thing is,
I don’t really
believe that

I seem so ungrateful
Almost hateful
Undeserving
Unworthy

D I S T R U S T I N G.

I haven’t always been this way
I don’t have to be this way
I choose not to be this way

Can I let go of my issues with gifts?
Can I accept the greatest gift of all?
God’s grace

I am worthy.
I can trust.
And I thank you.

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