Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Healing’ Category

I wandered the streets
looking for a home
looking to be welcomed
looking to be loved

You found me.

You took me in
gave me shelter
gave me love
gave me hope.

I ate the finest vittles
Slept warmly on your bed

I reveled in the gentle caresses
behind my ears, down my spine
along my underbelly
with tender fingertips
and feathery whispers

You told me
I was beautiful
You needed me
I was amazing
You wanted me
I was important.

Your loyal pet
through everything
and everywhere

Comforting you in hard times
Celebrating with you in the good

Listening to your every word
with genuine care and attention,
empathy and silent understanding

Fiercely protective
Genuinely devoted

You bathed me
with soap
and love
I felt special
and brave
and safe

I’d found my home.

But things changed.
You changed.

You stopped letting me inside
annoyed at my presence

You stopped feeding me
angry when I begged for scraps

You stopped loving me
withholding soft words and touches

You called me disgusting.

I tried to remind you
of all that I added to your life
of how much I loved you
and how much you needed me

But you didn’t remember.

Others around you
made sure I didn’t get inside
They kicked me, ignored me, starved me
they never liked you having me anyway.

Kick a dog enough times
eventually it gets the hint.

I don’t belong to you anymore.

I am no longer wanted,
needed, or special.
And there is
nothing
I can do
to change that.

So I wander off
a stray once again
looking for a home
where someone
will love me.

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

5 light bulbs in my kitchen
going out
one by one
until only one remained

Over time
the view dimmed
I didn’t even realize
how my awareness
was being changed

Stains went unnoticed
Spills got ignored
Crumbs gathered in corners
with shards of a broken glass

Filth crept in.

lightbulb by woodsy @ rgbstock.com

But today –
today I changed
the dead light bulbs

and it’s helping me see
everything
more clearly.

Bright white light
floods into hidden corners
shadows recede
like defeated trolls

I can see
what I have let happen
slowly bit by bit
in the creeping darkness

I can see…

The stains
of the lie of self hated
The spills
of unfulfilled hopes
The shards
of self confidence broken
The crumbs
of acceptance I’ve scraped for

I see it now.
in the light.

And I remember
I don’t have to live like this.

I begin to clean.

Read Full Post »

Hello dear friends,

You don’t see me much these days as I’m back in school, and creative time is often taken up by discussion forums and reflection papers. I’m learning more skills to add to coaching; I’m working to become a therapist.

I recently wrote this simple post for class, and today I felt led to share my heart with you here.

Reflections on Worthiness

In 2011, based on my mother’s steps in her own life, I had an epiphany. My mom had decided to divorce, in spite of her firm beliefs about God’s law and wrongness of divorce.  When she made that decision, I felt a surge of freedom that comes with stepping into true grace.  The Holy Spirit whispered an insight to me that became the foundation of this blog and Facebook community: Nothing I do, nothing I’ve done, and nothing that has been done to me impacts my worth.Nothing I do mantra

I knew, without a doubt, that God still loved my mother even though she was divorcing.  I knew that even though this event would create sorrow and difficulty, God would be there.  And in that experience, my mom may be able to hear him even more clearly than she ever had before in her life.  I knew that God would use this time to bring her close, not to judge or condemn her, but to truly show her what His love and grace could look like, and how comforting it could be.

Through this understanding about my mom, I realized that throughout my life, I’d been trying to prove myself worthy – worthy of relationships, worthy of successes, worthy of happiness, worthy of God’s love. Through my own efforts, my own attempts at being “good” I would somehow find peace and love. But that’s actually opposite to how the gift of grace works… the more we strive, the further away we get from just accepting the gift, from just accepting our inherent worth.

Even when we do things that seem “wrong,” God can use those errors to bring us closer to him.  When bad things happen to us in life, God can use those events to bring us closer to him.  Trauma can create depth.  Sinfulness can create true repentance.  Mistakes create understanding.   All of these “bad” or “wrong” things that we do in our lives are tools that God uses to help us understand his love, his grace, and his view of us through Christ, as worthy, beautiful, and beloved – just as we are, just as he created us, and just as he has always known we would be. We cannot become any more or any less worthy than we already are.

 


Thank you for being here with me on this journey of worth.  I will continue to post here from time to time as the Spirit leads. To connect a bit more often (2x mo), I hope you join my Worth & Wisdom newsletter

Read Full Post »

I don’t like being messy.

EmotionalWoman
Hurting
Unsure
Unaware

But no one does. No one likes it.
And yet WE ALL ARE at times.
We all HAVE TO BE at times.

And it’s ok.

Because being messy
is being ME

it’s being real
not an artificial robot

always on top of things
ahead of the curve
having it all together

the strong one
filled with cliches

I must remember
being strong
can be messy
sometimes too

I can be both
brave and scared
sad and hopeful
strong and messy

And the reality
is that
in order to 
be strong
I have to be
allow myself to be messy

even when I don’t like it.

Read Full Post »

I’ve never understood
some of the words chosen
attempting comfort
to a friend in pain

Lines awkwardly offered
in times of sadness
times of loss
times of uncertainty
times of disappointment

Things will get better
said with a sigh

At least it’s not …
said with hopeful eyebrows

Just hang in there
said with a rub on the shoulder

And

God will never give you more
than you can handle
said with resolve.

Total bull.

Life doesn’t always get better.
Life on this Earth isn’t always sunshine.
Sometimes hanging in
is the hardest thing
you’ve ever done.
Sometimes grieving
is the thing you must do.

AND of course God will
allow us to experience

more than we can handle

because if we could
actually handle it all

we wouldn’t call upon God.

Troubleshooting issues,
we wouldn’t call out for wisdom

Searching solutions for control,
we wouldn’t find genuine peace

The whole point
of living through
our painful experiences
of enduring the loss
of waiting for change
is to get closer to our Creator

And that connection
is what will bring true comfort
more than any words on Earth.

Read Full Post »

Love.

Abstract yet concrete.real love
Emotion yet thought.
Noun yet verb.

The more we give,
the more we get…
right?

Well, no.
It doesn’t always work that way.

Sometimes we give and give and give
and we feel an empty space
in return

But is that real love?

Because sometimes
the love we are giving
isn’t exactly the
pure and selfless love
we believe it to be

When we give love
with expectations of reciprocity

When we give love
with a need for fulfillment
from others

We aren’t giving pure, true love.

Pure true love
comes from our Creator.

Pure true love
has an endless supply.

Pure true love
fills us up as we give it away

And pure true love
doesn’t need for us to do anything at all.

Just to be.
Just to give.
Through me – not because of me – not for me.

And I want to live
in that kind of love
each and every day.

205766_431466773588347_766618948_n

I’m excited to share that I’m going to be learning more about this kind of love as I leave for Ethiopia this week to work with an organization called Bring Love In.  They bring widows and orphans together to create “forever families” as well as help keep other families intact.

I’m going as a Coach, but I’m mostly ready to spend my time listening, learning and loving. Thank you for sending your prayers and good thoughts with me, as I know they will be absorbed by me, and in turn felt by all I meet.

Read Full Post »

Some days just don’t go rightSitting

My ideas don’t work out
Plans crumble
I don’t feel brave

Some days just don’t feel right

My body doesn’t behave
Moods spiral
I don’t feel healthy

Some days just don’t sit right

My thoughts don’t make sense
Fears spin
I don’t feel stable

And then I remember
there is no one right answer
there is no one right plan

And then I remember
my plans aren’t always the finest
my body tells me I need to rest
my thoughts
are only thoughts

And that even when life doesn’t go
according to my plans
I’m still learning
I’m still loving
I’m still loved

All of my days are known
by my omnipotent Creator
who sits with me
right with me
as I crumble, spiral and spin

who tells me it’s OK
to let go
of the worry and control

And I can feel brave
And I can feel healthy
And I can feel stable
just by sitting still
some days.

sit still

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »