Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘pressure’

Truth

Posted in Spiritual Awakening, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2013| 9 Comments »

I want to live my truth

and yet…

I struggle to define it

what is real?
what speaks directly to my heart?
how do I define this life?

What is truth?My path, my truth

Others want to define truth for us
teachers, pastors, parents, friends

And for much of my life
I let them

and yet…

I don’t think I can
any longer

I feel fear
breaking molds
not meeting expectations
not fitting in

and yet…

I feel free
living authentically
living my truth
building my own faith

I will say
what it is I believe

I will determine
what is “right”

I will know
what God speaks to my heart

I will release
judgment and fear

I will be ready
to follow my heart
and all
that is revealed

Read Full Post »

Intent vs. Impact

Posted in Healing, tagged , , , , , , , , on April 28, 2013| 15 Comments »

I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings
I didn’t mean for you to take it that way
I didn’t mean to make you sad
I didn’t mean for you to react like that

My intent was not to hurtknowmyworth.com
My intent was not to bully
My intent was not to get my way
I don’t think it was…
because usually…

My intent was not about you at all.

But my impact?

I did hurt your feelings
I did make you sad
You did react
You did take it that way

And that’s what matters
My impact.
And that’s what I need to be aware of
My impact.
And that’s what I need to repair
My impact.

Because no matter my intent, my impact hurt you.
And I am very sorry.
And let’s talk.
so we can use words and language
to bring my impact
in line with my intention
and heal.

Read Full Post »

Afraid of Anger

Posted in Healing, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 22, 2013| 19 Comments »

You are angry with me
and my reaction
is fear
bewildered
loss

I don’t know what to do
I don’t know how to act
I don’t know how to be
and I feel
that it’s my fault
that it’s now my role
to soothe your anger
to fix the situation
to change myself
to hide in shame

I didn’t meet your expectations
I didn’t do things as you would have done
I didn’t know the right way to answer
I didn’t prevent this very moment

But then I remember
I am a grown woman
who has thoughts
and feelings
that are just as valid
as anyone else

And I remember
it’s not actually
my job
to fix your anger

your anger
is your feeling
and just because
you have a feeling
I am not required
to do anything

Trying to force me
to change – to do or be
what you want me to do or be
is bullying

Your anger belongs to you
and you have every right to feel it
You can believe it’s righteous
You can believe it’s justified
You can believe it requires action

And I can disagree.

If I change
I will change for me
If you change
You will change for you

and if we continue to disagree
and you continue to be angry with me
then our paths will change

Because I will no longer be
afraid of anger

afraid of anger

Read Full Post »

Don’t Wanna

Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 16, 2013| 10 Comments »

Sometimes I don’t wanna
be an adult

Sometimes I don’t want
to go to work
to pay the bills
to make important decisions
that impact others

Sometimes I don’t want
to be the responsible one
who “holds down the fort”
who takes care of everyone
who makes everything ok

Sometimes I wish
that I didn’t
know pain
know hurt
that I didn’t know
it always takes time
to heal

Sometimes I just want
to stand in the shower
until the hot water turns cold
and my hair is not yet clean
or better yet
sit in a tub
until wrinkled and shivering
shutting out the world
with the click of the door

Sometimes I just want
to lie on the couch
watch some numbing series
created in days long ago
wearing fuzzy animal pajamas
with 7up and Saltines
today comforting a soul
instead of a tummy

Sometimes I just want
to bury my fingers in warm dirt
sifting rocks from treasures
to cup my hands around a little moth
feel it flutter then fly away
to lie flat on the lawn
watching the clouds become stories
have conversation with ladybugs
and worry for her children

But I must find balance
for I am an adult

I pay the bills
to keep my comforts
I go to work
to make a difference
I make decisions
to take care of others
who have days
when they don’t wanna

Read Full Post »

Caretaking

Posted in Healing, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 16, 2013| 6 Comments »

Interesting
how I am always tryingflowers
to take care of you
how I strain and sweat
to make sure you are ok
to make sure you are happy
to make sure your feelings aren’t
hurt
regardless of how
I am feeling

But that’s not my job
it’s not up to me
to take care of you

You are grown
You are an adult
You can make your own decisions
You can make your own choices
You can handle
your own consequences

I don’t need to be involved
I don’t need to monitor
I don’t need to
make sure
everything is ok

Yet I do.

Read Full Post »

No Matter What

Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 6, 2013| 6 Comments »

Being a good person
loving and caring

Being a good teacher
guiding and imparting

Being a good partner
considerate and helpful

Being a good provider
feeding and sheltering

Being a good coach
available and accountable

Being a good child
obedient and achieving

Being a good parent
shaping and modeling

Being a good friend
listening and encouraging

All good things
Yes, indeed

Yet
not one of my roles
not one of the things I do
no matter how “good”
I am at it
no matter how “bad”
I am at it
not one of these things
determines my worth

I have worth.
I have value.
No matter what.

I have value just for being me

Read Full Post »

A Lonely Day

Posted in Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 27, 2012| 11 Comments »

Today could seem
a lonely day

All excitement is done
All furvor has gone

Leftovers are scavenged
Only fruitcake cookiestwinkle
wait to be eaten

I sit
solemn and quiet
no music or laughter
fills this space
Only rain
taps a melody
on the window

Christmas lights
twinkle a delicate reminder
it’s time to be put away

Today could seem
a lonely day

But
God is here
always up for a chat
He sits in the armchair
and sips spiced tea

And
a good book
waits for my attention
a thrilling tale
of intrigue
and human nature

So
I sit
with adventures awaiting
knowing that today
Only could seem
a lonely day

Read Full Post »

Go go go

Posted in Healing, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , on December 16, 2012| 12 Comments »

Do thisphoto by Maria Herrera
Do that

Say this
Say that

Think this
Think that

Buy this
Buy that

It’s gotta be done
It’s gotta be perfect
It’s gotta be just right
It’s gotta be now
for you to love me

BUT
that’s not the truth
AND
I take a deep breath
SO
I can slow my pace
I can stop the spin
I can be myself
I can sit still
and breathe

FOR
no matter what I
do
say
think
buy

I have worth
I am loved
and
I can rest

Read Full Post »

Setting Boundaries

Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on November 23, 2012| 14 Comments »

Sometimes
I have to say no.

It’s important for me to do so
and it’s being true
to what I am really feeling

So I say no
not today
not now
I’m sorry, I can’t

But then the guilt.

It washes over me
floods my thoughts
churns in my belly

How can I say no?
They need me
need my help
need my service
and maybe need God through me

so the thoughts keep spinning
that I’m just being selfish
and would it have really hurt me
to drop what I’m doing
to add more to my plate
and would it have really hurt me
to give one more afternoon

because people give to me
and so shouldn’t I give back
all that I have?
all that I am?

but then I remember
what I can be like
when I don’t take care of myself
the tailspin I can create
the emotional states
the physical decline

and then I remember
that when people give to me
give in healthy ways
it doesn’t require
of loss of myself
to them
it is a gift

and then I remember
that setting boundaries
establishing limits
makes me MORE able to help
more able to be present
more able to be me
in those times that
are appropriate

and that’s woman –
that’s who
they were asking for
in the first place

Read Full Post »

Anxiety

Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2012| 8 Comments »

I waffle

acknowledge that I’m not feeling great
and wonder if I should stay home today
but then shake my head
to clear that thought
and say
Suck it up!
Charge Ahead!

So I try
to suck it up
to do the daily routine
to meet expectations

Yet I find
I’m still screaming
on the inside

too many thoughts
but nothing coherent
spinning
unsafe
relentless

life must go on
I must try to function
or at least pretend
Does anyone see through me?

My insides scream
“I can’t function!”
Yet here I am
walking to the front entrance
I remembered to bring a snack
but didn’t bother to match my clothes
or style my hair

Because it’s all a show
and I can only prepare
so many of the props
sew together so many of the costumes
paint so many of the backdrops
before my makeup
starts to melt
under the hot lights

But I walk in and smile
say good morning to all
I ask about your weekend
I get started on my tasks

and inside
I’m still screaming

AND THEN
I remind myself that

even though I feel this way
even though I don’t know what to do
even though I am lost and unsure
even though I don’t have all the answers
even though tomorrow may be worse

none of this impacts my worth
none of it speaks to my value
I don’t have to stop
screaming
in order to have worth
I don’t have to stop
pretending
in order to have worth

I am valuable just as I am
clothes mismatched
hair askew
internally disjointed

God loves me
exactly as I am
exactly this minute
and He sits with me
and comforts me
through anxiety

And in a few moments
or maybe a day or two
it just might
be better
an answer may come
the path may become clear
I may know what to do
I may feel better
I may, just may,
remember my worth

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »