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Posts Tagged ‘pressure’

When something
or someone
here on Earth

hurts me
oh so badly

their words or deeds
penetrate my soul

the betrayal of spirit
the helplessness and futility

wounds of the heart
that seem to bleed and ooze

I need to take a moment
to stop and think
instead of feel

because when someone is able to hurt me to the core
it could actually be a sign
of my own unhealthy attachment

of my own expectations
that THIS PERSON will fulfill my needs
that A PERSON could fulfilll my needs

When we are all
just people
trying to survive
trying to figure it out for ourselves

And when someone hurts me
betrays me
mocks me
forgets me
ignores me

It’s not about me

It’s about them
finding their own way
figuring out their own mess
living their own truth
dealing with their own demons

I need to let it go
because their actions
their behaviors
are not a reflection of me
or of my worth

and I’m the only one
who can choose
to stop internalizing
to stop owning their mess
to stop
hurting so badly

let them own it

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On a day that feels
down
tough
rough
draining

We need to remember
to refill
our souls and spirits
with love and hope

We need to remember
our lives
have a purpose and meaning
that we might have lost touch with

We need to remember
that God
has a plan through us
to radiate love

And when things are rough
it’s because I’m trying to do it myself

And when I get drained
it’s because I’m using my own strength

And when things are down
it’s because I’m looking through human lenses

And on those days
I just need to remember
to look up

and my soul
will see
what I need to remember

remember to look up

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Bombarded daily
to define myself
by some worldly standardDon't let the world tell you that you need to do or be anything - you have worth just as you are.
of success
of beauty
of worth

Is my job good enough?
Am I in fashion?
Do I make enough money?
Does my hair look right?

Is my house acceptable?
How about my body?
Do I have the right friends?
Do I hang out in the best places?

Do I make everyone happy?
Does everyone like me?
Am I a good girl?

If I align my life
with what the world says
these standards should be

will I feel satisfied?
will I feel worthy?

Nope.

Because none of it
none of the stuff
none of the opinions
none of the ways in which the world wants to define me

none of it
makes me who I am
or adds any value
to my soul

For I am fearfully
and wonderfully made
Loved
and cherished
just as I am

Without all the stuff
Without being in style
Without pleasing anyone

For nothing I do,
nothing I have done,
and nothing that has been done to me
defines my worth

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Sometimes I feel trapped
by my own decisions

Times I said “Yes”
when I should have said “No”

Times I was silent
when I really wanted to talk

Times I said “Sure”
when I meant “Nope”

Times I stayed
when I really wanted to go

Times I said “OK”
when I wanted to say “No way”

Times I smiled
when I wanted to scream

Times.
So many times.

But here’s the thing
I must remember

I can change my decisions
at any time

and I’m never really trapped after all.

It's self care to say No

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When someone I love
is in pain or fear
unsure of what to do
crying or angry

I find myself
instantly geared
for superhero mode

awesome photo by Laura Glover

ready to swoop in
red cape sailing
shiny boots glinting
fists on hips

I’m ready to rescue
lift you out of the dark
erase your fear
remove your pain

But that’s not my job

And when I do
try to swoop in
with a fancy cape
and all the answers

I deny God
the opportunity to speak
the opportunity to heal
the opportunity to grow closer
to a beloved child

But
I find myself thinking
God can’t want this for you!
God must have put in my heart
to jump in
to share wisdom
to lift you

up up and away

But who am I to know
what God wants for you?
what God will use
in your life
to bring you closer to Him?

For I myself
have had hurts
traumatic pain
unhappy experiences

And God has used each one
to make me who I am

And so I must
fold up my cape
store away the boots

And let God
be the superhero
you need

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When I feel alone
in a room crowded with people

When I feel panic
swelling in my gut

When I feel worry
creeping into my brain

When I feel uneasy in any way
I know the darkness of fear
is trying to get in

I know the dark one
is trying to break me down

But I am a child of light
I am loved
I am never alone
My life mapped
My purpose designed

And like a child
into a swimming pool
I must jump
with all my being
with childlike trust
and splash and play
in waters of uncertainty
without the flotation devices
of knowledge and control
yet faith and hope
keep me afloat

So when I feel fear, panic or worry
When I feel uncertain or out of control
It’s time to let go
to live in faith
to jump in the pool
to float in trust
surrounded by love

swimming pool

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1337950_45020022Stop being so mean
saying such horrible things
squelching the spirit
paralyzing with doubt
creating a life of insecurity

Stop being so cruel
aggressive and angry
ripping apart dreams
tearing open old wounds
with smug satisfaction

Stop being so harmful
your unhealthy coping
never satisfies the ache
only leaving you empty
or full
of regret

Stop being so critical
so quick to judge
refusing to be kind
or forgiving
for even the tiniest of things

Stop living in the past
accepting only negative interpretations
of how things are
or were
and how you are to blame

Stop it!
I say to myself
with hope
that this time
I will listen

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When I first start
setting boundaries

It’s awkward

I don’t always say
the right thing
the right way
using
the right words
the right inflections

So people react without saying
the right thing
the right way
using
the right words
the right inflections

Sometimes
that makes me want to stop
setting boundaries

But I can’t.

Because I need them
and even though you may not like it
you need me to have them
for our relationship to be real

We need to express our needs
We need to express our true selves
In order to really know each other
Not who we think we are
Not who we should be
Not just making it work
Not just keeping the peace

Because I want to be
the real me
flawed and awkward

Because deep down
I like me
flawed and awkward

and I’m hoping
you will like
the real me
too
boundaries 6

 

Other boundary posts:
Boundaries
Setting Boundaries

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Sometimes
it’s hard to accept a gift

For I learned
gifts often came tied with stringsstrings
future expectations
future requirements
on my behavior
on my attitude
despite other
confusing unpleasantness

So when I take the package
and unwrap the layers
I accept the twisted strands
and coil them around my wrist
knowing I could be asked
for something in return
at any given moment

Tug.

Instantly
I lose my ability
to say no,
not right now,
sorry, I can’t.
that’s not how I feel.
I don’t want to.

But now I’ve learned
Not everyone feels that way
Not everyone has expectations of return
Not everyone laces invisible strings
around the package

And even if they do
I am not obligated
to tie that string around my wrist
to follow the tug
or to be
anything other
than me

Instead I can watch the strands
swirl around my arm
not a thick string
but a chiffon scarf
that flutters to the ground

For I can choose
I can control
what I am willing to accept
and there are
no strings on me

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Sometimes I feel
like I can’t figure out a thing
I don’t know where I’m going
or even who I am

I stand at an open gate
and wonder which direction to take
wonder where each path may lead
and what adventures await

Excitement and bravery
get shoved to the back of my mind
roughed up, knocked down
by negative thought bullies

I feel panic start to rise
thoughts of doubt and fear
Insecurity quickly
steals my joy

Can I trust myself?
Can I figure it out?

And then I remember

I don’t have to do this alone

I have the Holy Spirit
within me
I have a guide and a compass
right in my heart

Waiting to whisper
what step to take
who to watch out for
where to go

If I can just be still
and listen
and let the Spirit lead me

spirit lead me

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