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Posts Tagged ‘waiting’

56 drafts
humming in the queue

brimming with potential56 drafts
wisdom
heartache
praise
angst

eager to be deemed worthy
of the Publish button

anticipating the day
the writer becomes bold

courage creating freedom

Yet instead
here she creates
yet another draft
discussing the drafts

Revealing only
the desire to reveal
but not the bravery
to actually do it

today.

 

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I wait

I wait for God
to open new doors
portals of change
though I’m not sure what

I wait for God
to meet my needs
physical and emotional
though I’m not sure how

I wait for God
to guide my steps
forward or sideways
though I’m not sure where

I wait

I wait for clarity
I wait for decisions
I wait for answers
I wait for understanding

I wait

Waiting feels helpless
powerless and futile
I want to take action
I want to have answers

Then I remember
the power in waiting
in truly waiting on God
and sitting in stillness

I can have peace while I wait
freedom in resting
deep breath in, deep breath out
I don’t have to see the whole picture
to know it is there

I can have trust while I wait
freedom in releasing
God will be there
even if I don’t know what my life will be

I can have hope while I wait
freedom in rejoicing
God is my life focus
and nothing else matters

I decide
that I will have faith

while I wait

girl waiting

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Dear God,

With all my heart,
This year
2013
I give to you

Every year
I spend so much time
setting goals
figuring and strategizing
planning and organizing
mapping and preparing

for what?
illusion of control

This year
2013
I want to let go
of my need to control

of knowing
HOW
everything will turn out

of knowing
WHICH
is the “right” way

of knowing
WHERE
my path winds

I want to
let go of knowing
every little thing

This year
2013
I want to rest
and let you
do the figuring
the mapping
planning

And if I let you
You will guide me
and hold my hand
You will lead me
and lift the light
You will carry me
in your arms
You will give me the strength
to let it all go

This year
2013
my only plan
is to have no plan
of my own
and God,
you do all the knowing

God, I give 2013 to you

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I don’t have to be
perfect
to make the world a better place
to offer something
to you

My flaws
My mistakes
They will surface
often when I least expect them

And yet

making a mistake
doing it “wrong”
showing my imperfections
These are not reasons
to give up

Instead
these are opportunities
to be genuine
to be vulnerable
to try again

If I wait
to be perfect
or even “better

People will miss out on
all that I am today
and this gal
has something to give

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Hi God,
So, um, what’s the plan?
Where to next?
What steps to take?
What things do I need to do?

God,
don’t you see
that if I know the plan
I can start?
I can start making lists
I can start fixing problems
I can start moving mountains
I can start doing…

Oh.
I see.
You want me to rest in you.
You want me to hand it over to you.

Wait,
you don’t need me to plan?
you don’t need me to fix?
You’ve got it handled?
You sure you don’t need my help?

But
I have some great ideas…

Oh, well, Ok.
I will wait.
I will be right here
and
I will let you
do your thing

 

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I see you
for you

You
are amazing

Who you are
your love
your compassion
your heart
your mind

you make an impact
you make a difference
you light up this world
in ways you may never know

no more
hiding
sitting back
waiting
peeking at life

it’s time to shine
for
you are amazing
and
I see you

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I am silent.
again.

Why don’t I speak?
Why don’t I share?
Why don’t I express my needs?

A little voice inside
tells me
my needs don’t matter
my cares aren’t valid
my desires are selfish

I should just keep them to myself.

But that’s a lie.

Then
another voice creeps in
This one tells me
others should ask me
about my needs
about my cares
If I am valuable,
they should want to ask

But that is also a lie.

My needs are valid
My cares are important
My opinions do matter

And
when I don’t share
my thoughts and feelings

when I expect others
to just know my desires
to know I am waiting to be asked

While I wait
I give away the power over my life.

And as I wait
for someone else
to determine my path

The lies get louder
The hurt seeps in
Self-doubt
plagues

All because of MY silence.
And I can fix it.

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