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Posts Tagged ‘control’

I sit waiting

cringing on the inside
knowing what’s coming
harsh “helpful” words
in the name of feedback

I sit waiting

determined to remember
this says more about her
than it does about me

determined to remember
this is one person’s opinion
and doesn’t define me

determined to remember
that I’m covered by grace
and don’t have to be perfect

I radiate light

Visualizing that light
swells me with strength

I sit a bit straighter
I lean forward and smile

For I am not defined
by this conversation
and I will not cower
anticipating criticism

someone's opinion

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Nothing I say today
will be especially wise

Nothing I feel today
will be unique to me

Nothing I cook today
will amaze any tastebuds

DSC04848a

Nothing I write today
will be new words

And yet

Nothing I hear today
can make me feel badly

Nothing I start
Nothing I finish

Nothing I think on
Nothing I forget

Nothing today
Not one single thing
will impact my worth

No matter my feelings, my words, my skills
No matter my hurts, my worries, my fears

I shine filled with grace
with love and hope

For God’s love is pure
and grace so freely given
that nothing I do
nothing that’s done
will add or diminish
will polish or dirty
God’s treasured creation
that is me

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I need to let go
of the need
for control

When I think I have everything handled
When I think I’ve got it all figured out
When I think I know the answers

I don’t.

I need to let go
of the need
for certainty

When I think I found the right path
When I think I am ready to charge ahead
When I think I see a perfect vision and purpose

I don’t.

Because certainty is an illusion
And looking for it
leads me into
hesitation
fear
paralysis

Yet if I let God
do Her thing

If I let go of the need
for control
for certainty

Then all that I need

the desire
the power
the energy
the faith

All will be given to me
Just when I need it
Just how I need it
completely and beautifully
out of my control


philippians 2.13

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1337950_45020022Stop being so mean
saying such horrible things
squelching the spirit
paralyzing with doubt
creating a life of insecurity

Stop being so cruel
aggressive and angry
ripping apart dreams
tearing open old wounds
with smug satisfaction

Stop being so harmful
your unhealthy coping
never satisfies the ache
only leaving you empty
or full
of regret

Stop being so critical
so quick to judge
refusing to be kind
or forgiving
for even the tiniest of things

Stop living in the past
accepting only negative interpretations
of how things are
or were
and how you are to blame

Stop it!
I say to myself
with hope
that this time
I will listen

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I’ve been doing this little series of love notes from God
on the Facebook page lately.

What little notes does God whisper to your heart?

03.10 Slide1

03.14 Slide2

notes from God6

notes from God

notes from God5

notes from God4

03.27 Slide3

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Oh, here, let me

Oh here, how about like this

Oh here, I know what you can do

Oh here, I can help

Oh here, I can do that for you

Oh here, I can make it happen

Oh here, why don’t you do it like this…

Oh here, what if you…

Oh here, how about like this…

Oh hereThe Fixer
let me
fix
everything
because
I’m the fixer

I can fix most anything
I have the best of ideas
and lots of solutions

because I am smart
and see things clearly

because I am helpful
and willing to assist

because I am giving
and have much to give

Yet
truly and deeply
if I look in my soul
I’m a fixer
to feel needed and wanted
and smart and resourceful
and important and liked
and loved

Yet
I am already all of these things
without fixing for you
so I will let you fix you
and maybe spend a little time
fixing me

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Interesting
how I am always tryingflowers
to take care of you
how I strain and sweat
to make sure you are ok
to make sure you are happy
to make sure your feelings aren’t
hurt
regardless of how
I am feeling

But that’s not my job
it’s not up to me
to take care of you

You are grown
You are an adult
You can make your own decisions
You can make your own choices
You can handle
your own consequences

I don’t need to be involved
I don’t need to monitor
I don’t need to
make sure
everything is ok

Yet I do.

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Dear God,

With all my heart,
This year
2013
I give to you

Every year
I spend so much time
setting goals
figuring and strategizing
planning and organizing
mapping and preparing

for what?
illusion of control

This year
2013
I want to let go
of my need to control

of knowing
HOW
everything will turn out

of knowing
WHICH
is the “right” way

of knowing
WHERE
my path winds

I want to
let go of knowing
every little thing

This year
2013
I want to rest
and let you
do the figuring
the mapping
planning

And if I let you
You will guide me
and hold my hand
You will lead me
and lift the light
You will carry me
in your arms
You will give me the strength
to let it all go

This year
2013
my only plan
is to have no plan
of my own
and God,
you do all the knowing

God, I give 2013 to you

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God’s perfect love replaces all fear

Because He loves us
so truly
so deeply
so perfectly

Those times I glimpse
that perfect love
a wash of warm light
fills my soul

Some days I am grasping
struggling to reach out
to remember to trust Him
to let go of my own expectations

But when I do –
when I sit in His perfect love
I know why we are here
and I just want to know Him

Help me, Lord
to sit with you
today

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Disappointment
A golden lion
lounges in the grass
appears as an innocent
and playful cat
Yet in only a moment
will jump
rip out my heart
tear me in two

If I startle the cat
If I anger the cat
it may lift its mane
shake its head
show its teeth
roar

and I am afraid.

I don’t want you to let me down
I don’t want to let you down
So I don’t let you in

I don’t let you get close
I don’t let you near
I don’t expect anything from you
Keep the lion deep in slumber

O, who am I kidding?

I have expectations
I continue to have hopes
I continue to wish for things to be how I imagine them to be
The beast stirs and squints an eye

I try to resist
I pretend I can keep you out
I shield myself from you
I hide from disappointment

But expectations
wake the cat
I am exposed
and I am afraid.

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