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Posts Tagged ‘control’

When folks aren’t communicating well

Each one talking, no one listening
I can almost always see what’s happening.

Unless, of course, I’m one of the two,
but that’s for another day…

So, I watch them talk
and see both perspectives

The points not being heard
the inferences not being shared
only implied, not received
the intent
vs. the impact

Perception is reality.

ButThe Fixer

Just because I can see
what’s going on,

it does not mean
they want my help.

when no one is listening
they certainly don’t want
2 cents from me

And my best intentions
just complicate things further

I must resist helping
FIXING FIXING FIXING
CREATING PEACE
MAKING IT ALL OK

When no one has called in
The Fixer

Because I don’t need to prove
that I am smart
or helpful
or needed

And I will let you both
figure that out too
just between
the two of you

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When something
or someone
here on Earth

hurts me
oh so badly

their words or deeds
penetrate my soul

the betrayal of spirit
the helplessness and futility

wounds of the heart
that seem to bleed and ooze

I need to take a moment
to stop and think
instead of feel

because when someone is able to hurt me to the core
it could actually be a sign
of my own unhealthy attachment

of my own expectations
that THIS PERSON will fulfill my needs
that A PERSON could fulfilll my needs

When we are all
just people
trying to survive
trying to figure it out for ourselves

And when someone hurts me
betrays me
mocks me
forgets me
ignores me

It’s not about me

It’s about them
finding their own way
figuring out their own mess
living their own truth
dealing with their own demons

I need to let it go
because their actions
their behaviors
are not a reflection of me
or of my worth

and I’m the only one
who can choose
to stop internalizing
to stop owning their mess
to stop
hurting so badly

let them own it

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On a day that feels
down
tough
rough
draining

We need to remember
to refill
our souls and spirits
with love and hope

We need to remember
our lives
have a purpose and meaning
that we might have lost touch with

We need to remember
that God
has a plan through us
to radiate love

And when things are rough
it’s because I’m trying to do it myself

And when I get drained
it’s because I’m using my own strength

And when things are down
it’s because I’m looking through human lenses

And on those days
I just need to remember
to look up

and my soul
will see
what I need to remember

remember to look up

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I sit waiting

cringing on the inside
knowing what’s coming
harsh “helpful” words
in the name of feedback

I sit waiting

determined to remember
this says more about her
than it does about me

determined to remember
this is one person’s opinion
and doesn’t define me

determined to remember
that I’m covered by grace
and don’t have to be perfect

I radiate light

Visualizing that light
swells me with strength

I sit a bit straighter
I lean forward and smile

For I am not defined
by this conversation
and I will not cower
anticipating criticism

someone's opinion

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Nothing I say today
will be especially wise

Nothing I feel today
will be unique to me

Nothing I cook today
will amaze any tastebuds

DSC04848a

Nothing I write today
will be new words

And yet

Nothing I hear today
can make me feel badly

Nothing I start
Nothing I finish

Nothing I think on
Nothing I forget

Nothing today
Not one single thing
will impact my worth

No matter my feelings, my words, my skills
No matter my hurts, my worries, my fears

I shine filled with grace
with love and hope

For God’s love is pure
and grace so freely given
that nothing I do
nothing that’s done
will add or diminish
will polish or dirty
God’s treasured creation
that is me

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I need to let go
of the need
for control

When I think I have everything handled
When I think I’ve got it all figured out
When I think I know the answers

I don’t.

I need to let go
of the need
for certainty

When I think I found the right path
When I think I am ready to charge ahead
When I think I see a perfect vision and purpose

I don’t.

Because certainty is an illusion
And looking for it
leads me into
hesitation
fear
paralysis

Yet if I let God
do Her thing

If I let go of the need
for control
for certainty

Then all that I need

the desire
the power
the energy
the faith

All will be given to me
Just when I need it
Just how I need it
completely and beautifully
out of my control


philippians 2.13

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1337950_45020022Stop being so mean
saying such horrible things
squelching the spirit
paralyzing with doubt
creating a life of insecurity

Stop being so cruel
aggressive and angry
ripping apart dreams
tearing open old wounds
with smug satisfaction

Stop being so harmful
your unhealthy coping
never satisfies the ache
only leaving you empty
or full
of regret

Stop being so critical
so quick to judge
refusing to be kind
or forgiving
for even the tiniest of things

Stop living in the past
accepting only negative interpretations
of how things are
or were
and how you are to blame

Stop it!
I say to myself
with hope
that this time
I will listen

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