Posted in Poetry, Praise, tagged God, God provides all we need, gratitude, loved, Matthew 6:26, prayer, thankfulness, valuable, worth on May 22, 2013| 6 Comments »
Thank you God
for taking care of me
for delighting in my life
for knowing my needs
better than I do
Thank you God
for providing for me
for lifting me up
for bringing me close to you
when I need it most
Thank you God
for loving me
for holding me
for accepting me
just as I am
Thank you God
Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged answers, anxiety, change, doubt, expectations, faith, God, God's love, hope, joy, letting go, meditation, patience, peace, poetry, praise, pray, prayer, trust, wait, waiting, worry on April 11, 2013| 10 Comments »
I wait
I wait for God
to open new doors
portals of change
though I’m not sure what
I wait for God
to meet my needs
physical and emotional
though I’m not sure how
I wait for God
to guide my steps
forward or sideways
though I’m not sure where
I wait
I wait for clarity
I wait for decisions
I wait for answers
I wait for understanding
I wait
Waiting feels helpless
powerless and futile
I want to take action
I want to have answers
Then I remember
the power in waiting
in truly waiting on God
and sitting in stillness
I can have peace while I wait
freedom in resting
deep breath in, deep breath out
I don’t have to see the whole picture
to know it is there
I can have trust while I wait
freedom in releasing
God will be there
even if I don’t know what my life will be
I can have hope while I wait
freedom in rejoicing
God is my life focus
and nothing else matters
I decide
that I will have faith
while I wait
Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged anxiety, codependency, control, fixing, fret, give, giving, helpful, helping, ideas, letting go, loved, micromanage, needed, overbearing, poetry, problem solving, relationships, resourceful, self awareness, self worth, smart, solutions, take, wanted, worry, worth on March 8, 2013| 16 Comments »
Oh, here, let me
Oh here, how about like this
Oh here, I know what you can do
Oh here, I can help
Oh here, I can do that for you
Oh here, I can make it happen
Oh here, why don’t you do it like this…
Oh here, what if you…
Oh here, how about like this…
Oh here
let me
fix
everything
because
I’m the fixer
I can fix most anything
I have the best of ideas
and lots of solutions
because I am smart
and see things clearly
because I am helpful
and willing to assist
because I am giving
and have much to give
Yet
truly and deeply
if I look in my soul
I’m a fixer
to feel needed and wanted
and smart and resourceful
and important and liked
and loved
Yet
I am already all of these things
without fixing for you
so I will let you fix you
and maybe spend a little time
fixing me
Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged adult, anxiety, balance, bills, comfort, decisions, depression, expectations, food, inner child, letting go, mental health, pajamas, perfect, pressure, resistance, self worth, work on February 16, 2013| 10 Comments »
Sometimes I don’t wanna
be an adult
Sometimes I don’t want
to go to work
to pay the bills
to make important decisions
that impact others
Sometimes I don’t want
to be the responsible one
who “holds down the fort”
who takes care of everyone
who makes everything ok
Sometimes I wish
that I didn’t
know pain
know hurt
that I didn’t know
it always takes time
to heal
Sometimes I just want
to stand in the shower
until the hot water turns cold
and my hair is not yet clean
or better yet
sit in a tub
until wrinkled and shivering
shutting out the world
with the click of the door
Sometimes I just want
to lie on the couch
watch some numbing series
created in days long ago
wearing fuzzy animal pajamas
with 7up and Saltines
today comforting a soul
instead of a tummy
Sometimes I just want
to bury my fingers in warm dirt
sifting rocks from treasures
to cup my hands around a little moth
feel it flutter then fly away
to lie flat on the lawn
watching the clouds become stories
have conversation with ladybugs
and worry for her children
But I must find balance
for I am an adult
I pay the bills
to keep my comforts
I go to work
to make a difference
I make decisions
to take care of others
who have days
when they don’t wanna
Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged accountability, bad, being, BFF, bread winner, child, coach, comparison, considerate, daughter, disappointment, disobedient, doubt, encourage, expectations, failure, father, friend, friendship, good, guide, hope, husband, instructor, job, job title, listen, love, loving, mentor, mother, not perfect, obedient, parent, partner, perfect, poetry, pressure, provider, relationships, role model, roles, self esteem, self worth, son, spouse, teacher, validation, value, wife, work, worth on January 6, 2013| 6 Comments »
Being a good person
loving and caring
Being a good teacher
guiding and imparting
Being a good partner
considerate and helpful
Being a good provider
feeding and sheltering
Being a good coach
available and accountable
Being a good child
obedient and achieving
Being a good parent
shaping and modeling
Being a good friend
listening and encouraging
All good things
Yes, indeed
Yet
not one of my roles
not one of the things I do
no matter how “good”
I am at it
no matter how “bad”
I am at it
not one of these things
determines my worth
I have worth.
I have value.
No matter what.
Posted in Healing, Poetry, Praise, Self worth, tagged 2013, calm, control, expectations, faith, goals, God, guide, health, hope, let go, letting go, love, meditation, not perfect, patience, peace, plans, poetry, prayer, quiet the mind, resolutions, self worth, strength, trust, waiting on January 1, 2013| 13 Comments »
Dear God,
With all my heart,
This year
2013
I give to you
Every year
I spend so much time
setting goals
figuring and strategizing
planning and organizing
mapping and preparing
for what?
illusion of control
This year
2013
I want to let go
of my need to control
of knowing
HOW
everything will turn out
of knowing
WHICH
is the “right” way
of knowing
WHERE
my path winds
I want to
let go of knowing
every little thing
This year
2013
I want to rest
and let you
do the figuring
the mapping
planning
And if I let you
You will guide me
and hold my hand
You will lead me
and lift the light
You will carry me
in your arms
You will give me the strength
to let it all go
This year
2013
my only plan
is to have no plan
of my own
and God,
you do all the knowing
Posted in Poetry, Self worth, tagged alone, book, celebration, expectations, God, lonely, lonliness, never alone, peace, poetry, pressure, quiet, rain, reading, relationships, self worth, solitude, tea, worth on December 27, 2012| 11 Comments »
Today could seem
a lonely day
All excitement is done
All furvor has gone
Leftovers are scavenged
Only fruitcake cookies
wait to be eaten
I sit
solemn and quiet
no music or laughter
fills this space
Only rain
taps a melody
on the window
Christmas lights
twinkle a delicate reminder
it’s time to be put away
Today could seem
a lonely day
But
God is here
always up for a chat
He sits in the armchair
and sips spiced tea
And
a good book
waits for my attention
a thrilling tale
of intrigue
and human nature
So
I sit
with adventures awaiting
knowing that today
Only could seem
a lonely day
Posted in Poetry, Praise, tagged answers, Bible, desire, desires of your heart, expectations, God, love, perfect, prayer, Psalm 37, Psalms, relationships, thankfulness on December 2, 2012| 10 Comments »
Delight yourself in the Lord
and He will give you the desires of your heart
Oh, how often
do we read
this promise
dreaming of
diamonds
and Playstations
and new jobs
or perfect spouses
dreaming
shiny new toys
are on their way
for good girls and boys
But
I don’t think it means
anything such as that
For when we truly delight
in God
when we truly focus
on Him
and all that He is,
everything else
melts away
We stop caring about
new toys
new jobs
new talents
new things
And He becomes
the only desire
the only delight
and all that we need
in this world
Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged boundaries, expectations, guilt, helping, lose myself, perfect, pressure, relationships, respect, worry, worth on November 23, 2012| 14 Comments »
Sometimes
I have to say no.
It’s important for me to do so
and it’s being true
to what I am really feeling
So I say no
not today
not now
I’m sorry, I can’t
But then the guilt.
It washes over me
floods my thoughts
churns in my belly
How can I say no?
They need me
need my help
need my service
and maybe need God through me
so the thoughts keep spinning
that I’m just being selfish
and would it have really hurt me
to drop what I’m doing
to add more to my plate
and would it have really hurt me
to give one more afternoon
because people give to me
and so shouldn’t I give back
all that I have?
all that I am?
but then I remember
what I can be like
when I don’t take care of myself
the tailspin I can create
the emotional states
the physical decline
and then I remember
that when people give to me
give in healthy ways
it doesn’t require
of loss of myself
to them
it is a gift
and then I remember
that setting boundaries
establishing limits
makes me MORE able to help
more able to be present
more able to be me
in those times that
are appropriate
and that’s woman –
that’s who
they were asking for
in the first place
Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged codependency, expectations, God, light, love, poetry, self worth on November 13, 2012| 17 Comments »
My river of codependency
deep and powerful
I tumble along
swept away
with the current
old habits
can
flow unheeded
I grasp at branches
looking for my self worth
along this twisting river
If I help you, will I feel valued?
If I lead this group, will I feel treasured?
If I do a good job, will I feel needed?
If I love you, will you love me?
And when you don’t need me
the grass pulls from its roots
and when situations don’t meet my expectations
the branch snaps from the tree
So branches
slip from my fingers
grasses and roots
pull from the edge
I pitch and twist
bumping into rocks
floundering through rapids
clinging to scraps
of debris
confused
and afraid
And then I remember
I control this river
I do not need to grasp and cling
to debris or branches
My worth is internal
the love of God
spreads from my fingers
light pours around me
and creates a raft
the water slows
I’m buoyed by light
and I float
watching the banks
pass on by
Know My Worth 