Controlling the River

November 13, 2012 by Christine of Worth&Wisdom

My river of codependency
deep and powerful
I tumble along
swept away
with the current

old habits
can
flow unheeded

I grasp at branches
looking for my self worth
along this twisting river

If I help you, will I feel valued?
If I lead this group, will I feel treasured?
If I do a good job, will I feel needed?
If I love you, will you love me?

And when you don’t need me
the grass pulls from its roots
and when situations don’t meet my expectations
the branch snaps from the tree

So branches
slip from my fingers
grasses and roots
pull from the edge
I pitch and twist
bumping into rocks
floundering through rapids
clinging to scraps
of debris
confused
and afraid

And then I remember
I control this river
I do not need to grasp and cling
to debris or branches

My worth is internal
the love of God
spreads from my fingers
light pours around me
and creates a raft
the water slows
I’m buoyed by light
and I float
watching the banks
pass on by

17 Responses

on November 13, 2012 at 11:08 am | Reply OneHotMess

I love this, Christine!

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- on November 13, 2012 at 3:17 pm | Reply know my worth
  
  Thank you, Annie 🙂
  
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on November 13, 2012 at 9:16 pm | Reply melodylowes

What a beautiful way to chronicle the journey from codependency to wellness, a healthy perspective! Love this one…

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- on November 14, 2012 at 10:30 am | Reply know my worth
  
  Thank you Melody! As long as we remember we have the raft, we can use it. 🙂
  
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  - on November 14, 2012 at 10:31 am | Reply melodylowes
    
    The trick is in remembering it!! 🙂
    
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    - on November 14, 2012 at 10:38 am | Reply know my worth
      
      😀 exactly!
      
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on November 14, 2012 at 5:47 am | Reply Running from Hell with El

I think about all the times I’ve taken on responsibilities I don’t want just to feel needed and worthy, and it sort of makes me cringe. Ya know? Like you, I’m understanding it better, and not needing to find my worth in the approval of others, but it’s taken some hard swimming against this inner current! Loved this!

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- on November 14, 2012 at 10:35 am | Reply know my worth
  
  I so know what you mean about the cringing, my friend. And we need to not beat ourselves up for that part of it either. We were coping in the best ways we knew how – grasping at grasses – before we KNEW the power we have inside of us. The grace and strength of God does the swimming for us, if we just rest. xoxo
  
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on November 14, 2012 at 11:42 am | Reply utesmile

I have jsut nominated to the sunshine award plesae see here: http://utesmile.wordpress.com/2012/11/14/sunshine-another-award-woohoo/
love your blog!

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- on November 15, 2012 at 8:50 am | Reply know my worth
  
  How sweet of you! Thanks so much. I’m so glad you are here! 🙂
  
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  - on November 15, 2012 at 9:10 am | Reply utesmile
    
    Thanks for your kind words, it is great to read enjoyable blogs, which bring kindness and happines in each others world.xx
    
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on November 15, 2012 at 4:31 am | Reply Valentine Logar

This is so beautifully done. Thank you for saying what so many of us feel.

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- on November 15, 2012 at 8:49 am | Reply know my worth
  
  Thank you so!
  
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on November 16, 2012 at 10:59 am | Reply Attachment Girl

Hi Knowmyworth,
Just wanted to give you a little something to say thank you for all the support on my blog. 🙂 ~ AG http://boundaryninjatales.com/2012/11/15/my-first-ever-blog-award/

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- on November 16, 2012 at 4:20 pm | Reply know my worth
  
  thank you! 🙂
  
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on November 18, 2012 at 3:30 pm | Reply sarawales

I nominated you for the sunshine award see my blog for details
http://www.onthebrighterside.net

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- on November 18, 2012 at 5:00 pm | Reply know my worth
  
  Thank you, Sara! That is so very sweet of you! xoxo
  
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