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Posts Tagged ‘loss’

I wandered the streets
looking for a home
looking to be welcomed
looking to be loved

You found me.

You took me in
gave me shelter
gave me love
gave me hope.

I ate the finest vittles
Slept warmly on your bed

I reveled in the gentle caresses
behind my ears, down my spine
along my underbelly
with tender fingertips
and feathery whispers

You told me
I was beautiful
You needed me
I was amazing
You wanted me
I was important.

Your loyal pet
through everything
and everywhere

Comforting you in hard times
Celebrating with you in the good

Listening to your every word
with genuine care and attention,
empathy and silent understanding

Fiercely protective
Genuinely devoted

You bathed me
with soap
and love
I felt special
and brave
and safe

I’d found my home.

But things changed.
You changed.

You stopped letting me inside
annoyed at my presence

You stopped feeding me
angry when I begged for scraps

You stopped loving me
withholding soft words and touches

You called me disgusting.

I tried to remind you
of all that I added to your life
of how much I loved you
and how much you needed me

But you didn’t remember.

Others around you
made sure I didn’t get inside
They kicked me, ignored me, starved me
they never liked you having me anyway.

Kick a dog enough times
eventually it gets the hint.

I don’t belong to you anymore.

I am no longer wanted,
needed, or special.
And there is
nothing
I can do
to change that.

So I wander off
a stray once again
looking for a home
where someone
will love me.

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I’ve never understood
some of the words chosen
attempting comfort
to a friend in pain

Lines awkwardly offered
in times of sadness
times of loss
times of uncertainty
times of disappointment

Things will get better
said with a sigh

At least it’s not …
said with hopeful eyebrows

Just hang in there
said with a rub on the shoulder

And

God will never give you more
than you can handle
said with resolve.

Total bull.

Life doesn’t always get better.
Life on this Earth isn’t always sunshine.
Sometimes hanging in
is the hardest thing
you’ve ever done.
Sometimes grieving
is the thing you must do.

AND of course God will
allow us to experience

more than we can handle

because if we could
actually handle it all

we wouldn’t call upon God.

Troubleshooting issues,
we wouldn’t call out for wisdom

Searching solutions for control,
we wouldn’t find genuine peace

The whole point
of living through
our painful experiences
of enduring the loss
of waiting for change
is to get closer to our Creator

And that connection
is what will bring true comfort
more than any words on Earth.

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Grief

Was it all my imagination?

All that time
I thought you cared about me

But maybe you only cared
about how I made you feel
how I helped you
how I listened to you
how it was always a focus
on you you you

Did you even know me?
Did you even like me?
for me?

There were times
I did share things with you
I did talk about my feelings
my hopes and my dreams
I know it wasn’t all bad
Sometimes you cared,
right?

Why do I miss you?
Do I really, or
Do I miss being needed
and taking care of you

So why do I miss you?
Why does my heart ache?

I don’t think I ever felt valued
for being me
only for what I did for you

Or
is that just the reaction I feel
the color of the memories
in my grief

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Sadness.
I’m sad.
Right?

I know I should be sad
And in many ways I am

But not in the ways –
Not for the things –
I am supposed to be.

I am sad for what wasn’t
not for the loss of what was

I am sad for the lost opportunities
I am sad for the relationship
that never really was

I am sad that my expectations
of what we could have been
were never realized.

Yes, I am sad.

And how my sadness manifests…
Well, there is no right way
There is no wrong way.

People grieve in different ways
People grieve for different things
Whose to say we aren’t all grieving
for what could have been?

I do know
that God sits right next to us
when we are sad.
No matter the reason, He sits.
He loves.
He hugs.

And it’s ok to be sad
for what could have been.

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