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Posts Tagged ‘codependency’

When folks aren’t communicating well

Each one talking, no one listening
I can almost always see what’s happening.

Unless, of course, I’m one of the two,
but that’s for another day…

So, I watch them talk
and see both perspectives

The points not being heard
the inferences not being shared
only implied, not received
the intent
vs. the impact

Perception is reality.

ButThe Fixer

Just because I can see
what’s going on,

it does not mean
they want my help.

when no one is listening
they certainly don’t want
2 cents from me

And my best intentions
just complicate things further

I must resist helping
FIXING FIXING FIXING
CREATING PEACE
MAKING IT ALL OK

When no one has called in
The Fixer

Because I don’t need to prove
that I am smart
or helpful
or needed

And I will let you both
figure that out too
just between
the two of you

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Oh, here, let me

Oh here, how about like this

Oh here, I know what you can do

Oh here, I can help

Oh here, I can do that for you

Oh here, I can make it happen

Oh here, why don’t you do it like this…

Oh here, what if you…

Oh here, how about like this…

Oh hereThe Fixer
let me
fix
everything
because
I’m the fixer

I can fix most anything
I have the best of ideas
and lots of solutions

because I am smart
and see things clearly

because I am helpful
and willing to assist

because I am giving
and have much to give

Yet
truly and deeply
if I look in my soul
I’m a fixer
to feel needed and wanted
and smart and resourceful
and important and liked
and loved

Yet
I am already all of these things
without fixing for you
so I will let you fix you
and maybe spend a little time
fixing me

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Interesting
how I am always tryingflowers
to take care of you
how I strain and sweat
to make sure you are ok
to make sure you are happy
to make sure your feelings aren’t
hurt
regardless of how
I am feeling

But that’s not my job
it’s not up to me
to take care of you

You are grown
You are an adult
You can make your own decisions
You can make your own choices
You can handle
your own consequences

I don’t need to be involved
I don’t need to monitor
I don’t need to
make sure
everything is ok

Yet I do.

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My river of codependency
deep and powerful
I tumble along
swept away
with the current

old habits
can
flow unheeded

I grasp at branches
looking for my self worth
along this twisting river

If I help you, will I feel valued?
If I lead this group, will I feel treasured?
If I do a good job, will I feel needed?
If I love you, will you love me?

And when you don’t need me
the grass pulls from its roots
and when situations don’t meet my expectations
the branch snaps from the tree

So branches
slip from my fingers
grasses and roots
pull from the edge
I pitch and twist
bumping into rocks
floundering through rapids
clinging to scraps
of debris
confused
and afraid

And then I remember
I control this river

I do not need to grasp and cling
to debris or branches

My worth is internal
the love of God
spreads from my fingers
light pours around me
and creates a raft
the water slows
I’m buoyed by light
and I float
watching the banks
pass on by

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Heartsick
and frustrated
when we can see
that people could be
so much more
so much bigger
so much greater
so much happier

if they only choose
to let go

to let go of some of their demons
some of their own insecurities
some of their own self-hatred

we can’t do it for them

and
it’s unimaginable for me
to let go of the HOPE
of anyone’s potential

if only he would ___
things would be awesome

maybe I could just ___
and it would all be ok

but I have to realize
that I can’t
I can’t fix it.
I can’t fix it for anyone
other than me

And so I must move on
without him
and focus on seeing
my own potential

 

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You mess with my mind
You play games with my head

You show up in my life
when you feel like it
but ignore me
when I  need you

I’m hopeful
then scared
then angry
then abandoned

I try to connect
to build a relationship
desperate to have
what I have always craved
with you

and when you don’t respond
then I try to let go
try to move on
heal that open wound

and then somehow
you sense it
I am moving on
leaving the game

So you pull me back in

You give me a taste
You pretend to care
You do just enough
before disappearing again

you take
and take
I let you
I keep coming back for more

because
I don’t really know
how to make it stop
how to let go completely

because
that might hurt
even more
than this

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