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Posts Tagged ‘poetry’

On a day that feels
down
tough
rough
draining

We need to remember
to refill
our souls and spirits
with love and hope

We need to remember
our lives
have a purpose and meaning
that we might have lost touch with

We need to remember
that God
has a plan through us
to radiate love

And when things are rough
it’s because I’m trying to do it myself

And when I get drained
it’s because I’m using my own strength

And when things are down
it’s because I’m looking through human lenses

And on those days
I just need to remember
to look up

and my soul
will see
what I need to remember

remember to look up

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Nothing I say today
will be especially wise

Nothing I feel today
will be unique to me

Nothing I cook today
will amaze any tastebuds

DSC04848a

Nothing I write today
will be new words

And yet

Nothing I hear today
can make me feel badly

Nothing I start
Nothing I finish

Nothing I think on
Nothing I forget

Nothing today
Not one single thing
will impact my worth

No matter my feelings, my words, my skills
No matter my hurts, my worries, my fears

I shine filled with grace
with love and hope

For God’s love is pure
and grace so freely given
that nothing I do
nothing that’s done
will add or diminish
will polish or dirty
God’s treasured creation
that is me

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When someone I love
is in pain or fear
unsure of what to do
crying or angry

I find myself
instantly geared
for superhero mode

awesome photo by Laura Glover

ready to swoop in
red cape sailing
shiny boots glinting
fists on hips

I’m ready to rescue
lift you out of the dark
erase your fear
remove your pain

But that’s not my job

And when I do
try to swoop in
with a fancy cape
and all the answers

I deny God
the opportunity to speak
the opportunity to heal
the opportunity to grow closer
to a beloved child

But
I find myself thinking
God can’t want this for you!
God must have put in my heart
to jump in
to share wisdom
to lift you

up up and away

But who am I to know
what God wants for you?
what God will use
in your life
to bring you closer to Him?

For I myself
have had hurts
traumatic pain
unhappy experiences

And God has used each one
to make me who I am

And so I must
fold up my cape
store away the boots

And let God
be the superhero
you need

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1337950_45020022Stop being so mean
saying such horrible things
squelching the spirit
paralyzing with doubt
creating a life of insecurity

Stop being so cruel
aggressive and angry
ripping apart dreams
tearing open old wounds
with smug satisfaction

Stop being so harmful
your unhealthy coping
never satisfies the ache
only leaving you empty
or full
of regret

Stop being so critical
so quick to judge
refusing to be kind
or forgiving
for even the tiniest of things

Stop living in the past
accepting only negative interpretations
of how things are
or were
and how you are to blame

Stop it!
I say to myself
with hope
that this time
I will listen

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I want to live my truth

and yet…

I struggle to define it

what is real?
what speaks directly to my heart?
how do I define this life?

What is truth?My path, my truth

Others want to define truth for us
teachers, pastors, parents, friends

And for much of my life
I let them

and yet…

I don’t think I can
any longer

I feel fear
breaking molds
not meeting expectations
not fitting in

and yet…

I feel free
living authentically
living my truth
building my own faith

I will say
what it is I believe

I will determine
what is “right”

I will know
what God speaks to my heart

I will release
judgment and fear

I will be ready
to follow my heart
and all
that is revealed

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I wait

I wait for God
to open new doors
portals of change
though I’m not sure what

I wait for God
to meet my needs
physical and emotional
though I’m not sure how

I wait for God
to guide my steps
forward or sideways
though I’m not sure where

I wait

I wait for clarity
I wait for decisions
I wait for answers
I wait for understanding

I wait

Waiting feels helpless
powerless and futile
I want to take action
I want to have answers

Then I remember
the power in waiting
in truly waiting on God
and sitting in stillness

I can have peace while I wait
freedom in resting
deep breath in, deep breath out
I don’t have to see the whole picture
to know it is there

I can have trust while I wait
freedom in releasing
God will be there
even if I don’t know what my life will be

I can have hope while I wait
freedom in rejoicing
God is my life focus
and nothing else matters

I decide
that I will have faith

while I wait

girl waiting

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You are angry with me
and my reaction
is fear
bewildered
loss

I don’t know what to do
I don’t know how to act
I don’t know how to be
and I feel
that it’s my fault
that it’s now my role
to soothe your anger
to fix the situation
to change myself
to hide in shame

I didn’t meet your expectations
I didn’t do things as you would have done
I didn’t know the right way to answer
I didn’t prevent this very moment

But then I remember
I am a grown woman
who has thoughts
and feelings
that are just as valid
as anyone else

And I remember
it’s not actually
my job
to fix your anger

your anger
is your feeling
and just because
you have a feeling
I am not required
to do anything

Trying to force me
to change – to do or be
what you want me to do or be
is bullying

Your anger belongs to you
and you have every right to feel it
You can believe it’s righteous
You can believe it’s justified
You can believe it requires action

And I can disagree.

If I change
I will change for me
If you change
You will change for you

and if we continue to disagree
and you continue to be angry with me
then our paths will change

Because I will no longer be
afraid of anger

afraid of anger

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Oh, here, let me

Oh here, how about like this

Oh here, I know what you can do

Oh here, I can help

Oh here, I can do that for you

Oh here, I can make it happen

Oh here, why don’t you do it like this…

Oh here, what if you…

Oh here, how about like this…

Oh hereThe Fixer
let me
fix
everything
because
I’m the fixer

I can fix most anything
I have the best of ideas
and lots of solutions

because I am smart
and see things clearly

because I am helpful
and willing to assist

because I am giving
and have much to give

Yet
truly and deeply
if I look in my soul
I’m a fixer
to feel needed and wanted
and smart and resourceful
and important and liked
and loved

Yet
I am already all of these things
without fixing for you
so I will let you fix you
and maybe spend a little time
fixing me

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Interesting
how I am always tryingflowers
to take care of you
how I strain and sweat
to make sure you are ok
to make sure you are happy
to make sure your feelings aren’t
hurt
regardless of how
I am feeling

But that’s not my job
it’s not up to me
to take care of you

You are grown
You are an adult
You can make your own decisions
You can make your own choices
You can handle
your own consequences

I don’t need to be involved
I don’t need to monitor
I don’t need to
make sure
everything is ok

Yet I do.

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Being a good person
loving and caring

Being a good teacher
guiding and imparting

Being a good partner
considerate and helpful

Being a good provider
feeding and sheltering

Being a good coach
available and accountable

Being a good child
obedient and achieving

Being a good parent
shaping and modeling

Being a good friend
listening and encouraging

All good things
Yes, indeed

Yet
not one of my roles
not one of the things I do
no matter how “good”
I am at it
no matter how “bad”
I am at it
not one of these things
determines my worth

I have worth.
I have value.
No matter what.

I have value just for being me

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