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Posts Tagged ‘self esteem’

You are angry with me
and my reaction
is fear
bewildered
loss

I don’t know what to do
I don’t know how to act
I don’t know how to be
and I feel
that it’s my fault
that it’s now my role
to soothe your anger
to fix the situation
to change myself
to hide in shame

I didn’t meet your expectations
I didn’t do things as you would have done
I didn’t know the right way to answer
I didn’t prevent this very moment

But then I remember
I am a grown woman
who has thoughts
and feelings
that are just as valid
as anyone else

And I remember
it’s not actually
my job
to fix your anger

your anger
is your feeling
and just because
you have a feeling
I am not required
to do anything

Trying to force me
to change – to do or be
what you want me to do or be
is bullying

Your anger belongs to you
and you have every right to feel it
You can believe it’s righteous
You can believe it’s justified
You can believe it requires action

And I can disagree.

If I change
I will change for me
If you change
You will change for you

and if we continue to disagree
and you continue to be angry with me
then our paths will change

Because I will no longer be
afraid of anger

afraid of anger

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I’ve been doing a little thinking about boundary setting lately…

boundaries

boundaries

What is your perspective?

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Being a good person
loving and caring

Being a good teacher
guiding and imparting

Being a good partner
considerate and helpful

Being a good provider
feeding and sheltering

Being a good coach
available and accountable

Being a good child
obedient and achieving

Being a good parent
shaping and modeling

Being a good friend
listening and encouraging

All good things
Yes, indeed

Yet
not one of my roles
not one of the things I do
no matter how “good”
I am at it
no matter how “bad”
I am at it
not one of these things
determines my worth

I have worth.
I have value.
No matter what.

I have value just for being me

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My value is not determined by:

the money I make,
the size of my paycheck
or even if i get one

the clothes I have,
where I got them
or the labels inside them

the house I live in,
if I own or rent
or the neighborhood it’s in

the car I drive,
practical and old
or fancy and new

the diplomas I have,
where they are from
or where they “should” be from

It’s all just stuff.

God doesn’t care
what clothes I wear
what car I drive

He loves me in spite of my stuff.

When I get caught up in needing more, needing new
He still loves me
He waits right by me
saying

“Ok, kiddo – if you think so
but I don’t care about your stuff –
having that is not going to make you feel whole
or make you feel better.
But I will let you figure it out,
and I will just love you.”

My worth, my value, is not determined by what I own.
I refuse to feel less than
someone with more
because
I am more
than my stuff

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I am told
or sometimes tell myself
that
how I see things
is different from
how anyone else sees things
so it must not be right

But that’s a lie.

A lie told in my head
or to my face
that says “I’m different”
I’m just being “dramatic”
I’m just being “out there”
I’m just being “silly”

and so my thoughts and feelings
are discounted
I am dismissed by those
around me
or by me

but my feelings are important
my experiences have brought me
to them
I can have insight
I can have wisdom
I do have knowledge
based on those experiences
based on how I see things

and I don’t think I’m that different after all.

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