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Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Today could seem
a lonely day

All excitement is done
All furvor has gone

Leftovers are scavenged
Only fruitcake cookiestwinkle
wait to be eaten

I sit
solemn and quiet
no music or laughter
fills this space
Only rain
taps a melody
on the window

Christmas lights
twinkle a delicate reminder
it’s time to be put away

Today could seem
a lonely day

But
God is here
always up for a chat
He sits in the armchair
and sips spiced tea

And
a good book
waits for my attention
a thrilling tale
of intrigue
and human nature

So
I sit
with adventures awaiting
knowing that today
Only could seem
a lonely day

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Do thisphoto by Maria Herrera
Do that

Say this
Say that

Think this
Think that

Buy this
Buy that

It’s gotta be done
It’s gotta be perfect
It’s gotta be just right
It’s gotta be now
for you to love me

BUT
that’s not the truth
AND
I take a deep breath
SO
I can slow my pace
I can stop the spin
I can be myself
I can sit still
and breathe

FOR
no matter what I
do
say
think
buy

I have worth
I am loved
and
I can rest

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Today I am honored to be a guest blogger
over at The Monster in Your Closet.

If you don’t yet know Deborah,
she is a funny, authentic, loving soul
who most recently made me
both grin and weep with
Seeing my dog again, thanks to L’il D

My contribution
to her thankfulness campaign
is an ode to Hunger,
for in spite of fears about it
I am thankful for it.

I hope you enjoy it,
and get to know a little bit of Deb
while you’re there

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Delight yourself in the Lord
and He will give you the desires of your heart

Oh, how often
do we read
this promise
dreaming of
diamonds
and Playstations
and new jobs
or perfect spouses

dreaming
shiny new toys
are on their way
for good girls and boys

But
I don’t think it means
anything such as that

For when we truly delight
in God
when we truly focus
on Him
and all that He is,
everything else
melts away

We stop caring about
new toys
new jobs
new talents
new things

And He becomes
the only desire
the only delight
and all that we need
in this world

Psalm 37

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Why am I always
so focused on me?

focused on how I feel
or how you don’t
notice

When was the last time
I asked about you?

Why am I sitting
in a deep hole
a pit
of myself

It’s dark in here
I am alone
focused on myself
on me me me

It’s time to bring in some light
and all I need to do
is ask about you

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Sometimes
I have to say no.

It’s important for me to do so
and it’s being true
to what I am really feeling

So I say no
not today
not now
I’m sorry, I can’t

But then the guilt.

It washes over me
floods my thoughts
churns in my belly

How can I say no?
They need me
need my help
need my service
and maybe need God through me

so the thoughts keep spinning
that I’m just being selfish
and would it have really hurt me
to drop what I’m doing
to add more to my plate
and would it have really hurt me
to give one more afternoon

because people give to me
and so shouldn’t I give back
all that I have?
all that I am?

but then I remember
what I can be like
when I don’t take care of myself
the tailspin I can create
the emotional states
the physical decline

and then I remember
that when people give to me
give in healthy ways
it doesn’t require
of loss of myself
to them
it is a gift

and then I remember
that setting boundaries
establishing limits
makes me MORE able to help
more able to be present
more able to be me
in those times that
are appropriate

and that’s woman –
that’s who
they were asking for
in the first place

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Heartsick
and frustrated
when we can see
that people could be
so much more
so much bigger
so much greater
so much happier

if they only choose
to let go

to let go of some of their demons
some of their own insecurities
some of their own self-hatred

we can’t do it for them

and
it’s unimaginable for me
to let go of the HOPE
of anyone’s potential

if only he would ___
things would be awesome

maybe I could just ___
and it would all be ok

but I have to realize
that I can’t
I can’t fix it.
I can’t fix it for anyone
other than me

And so I must move on
without him
and focus on seeing
my own potential

 

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Thankful for You

I am so
thankful
for you.

You emanate light
the radiance
of a new dawn

You bring life
to this world

joy and
laughter from the gut
learning and
growth of my soul
respect and
unconditional acceptance

who would I be
if I didn’t know you?

I can’t even imagine

dull
no polish or shine
disconnected
detached and distrusting
lost
no friend to share the road
closed
in darkness.

You are light.
You are a healing force.
You are joy.
You are beloved.
You are amazing.

And
I know hope,
I know blessing,
I know joy,
I know love,
because
I know you.

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Grief

Was it all my imagination?

All that time
I thought you cared about me

But maybe you only cared
about how I made you feel
how I helped you
how I listened to you
how it was always a focus
on you you you

Did you even know me?
Did you even like me?
for me?

There were times
I did share things with you
I did talk about my feelings
my hopes and my dreams
I know it wasn’t all bad
Sometimes you cared,
right?

Why do I miss you?
Do I really, or
Do I miss being needed
and taking care of you

So why do I miss you?
Why does my heart ache?

I don’t think I ever felt valued
for being me
only for what I did for you

Or
is that just the reaction I feel
the color of the memories
in my grief

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I am worthy.

Just as I am.

I don’t have to

do anything
spectacular

be anything
fabulous

say anything
profound

or fix
anything

to have worth.

Parts of my life are not perfect
I have made mistakes
and done things “wrong”

But I will not let imperfections
or the lies
from that useless emotion
of shame

keep me from knowing I have value
just as I am
today

no changes needed
no bad feelings warranted

I am human
I am worthy
I am loveable
I am fully me

and
I will need to accept me
if I want anyone
and everyone
to do the same

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