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Hurting So Badly

When something
or someone
here on Earth

hurts me
oh so badly

their words or deeds
penetrate my soul

the betrayal of spirit
the helplessness and futility

wounds of the heart
that seem to bleed and ooze

I need to take a moment
to stop and think
instead of feel

because when someone is able to hurt me to the core
it could actually be a sign
of my own unhealthy attachment

of my own expectations
that THIS PERSON will fulfill my needs
that A PERSON could fulfilll my needs

When we are all
just people
trying to survive
trying to figure it out for ourselves

And when someone hurts me
betrays me
mocks me
forgets me
ignores me

It’s not about me

It’s about them
finding their own way
figuring out their own mess
living their own truth
dealing with their own demons

I need to let it go
because their actions
their behaviors
are not a reflection of me
or of my worth

and I’m the only one
who can choose
to stop internalizing
to stop owning their mess
to stop
hurting so badly

let them own it

On a day that feels
down
tough
rough
draining

We need to remember
to refill
our souls and spirits
with love and hope

We need to remember
our lives
have a purpose and meaning
that we might have lost touch with

We need to remember
that God
has a plan through us
to radiate love

And when things are rough
it’s because I’m trying to do it myself

And when I get drained
it’s because I’m using my own strength

And when things are down
it’s because I’m looking through human lenses

And on those days
I just need to remember
to look up

and my soul
will see
what I need to remember

remember to look up

Bombarded daily
to define myself
by some worldly standardDon't let the world tell you that you need to do or be anything - you have worth just as you are.
of success
of beauty
of worth

Is my job good enough?
Am I in fashion?
Do I make enough money?
Does my hair look right?

Is my house acceptable?
How about my body?
Do I have the right friends?
Do I hang out in the best places?

Do I make everyone happy?
Does everyone like me?
Am I a good girl?

If I align my life
with what the world says
these standards should be

will I feel satisfied?
will I feel worthy?

Nope.

Because none of it
none of the stuff
none of the opinions
none of the ways in which the world wants to define me

none of it
makes me who I am
or adds any value
to my soul

For I am fearfully
and wonderfully made
Loved
and cherished
just as I am

Without all the stuff
Without being in style
Without pleasing anyone

For nothing I do,
nothing I have done,
and nothing that has been done to me
defines my worth

Trapped

Sometimes I feel trapped
by my own decisions

Times I said “Yes”
when I should have said “No”

Times I was silent
when I really wanted to talk

Times I said “Sure”
when I meant “Nope”

Times I stayed
when I really wanted to go

Times I said “OK”
when I wanted to say “No way”

Times I smiled
when I wanted to scream

Times.
So many times.

But here’s the thing
I must remember

I can change my decisions
at any time

and I’m never really trapped after all.

It's self care to say No

Just Like Me

I remember
the moment of enlightenment
the moment
I first realized
Mom was also
a woman

Just like me

Learning
Growing
Doing the best she can
making the best decisions
she knows how

A child herself
raising children
showing them love
giving them confidence
teaching them faith
believing in their dreams

A woman herself
who laughs and cries
sometimes insecure and unsure
with hopes and dreams
beliefs about life
and all that it’s meant to be

Just like me
mothers day

ee cummings

e.e. cummings

I sit waiting

cringing on the inside
knowing what’s coming
harsh “helpful” words
in the name of feedback

I sit waiting

determined to remember
this says more about her
than it does about me

determined to remember
this is one person’s opinion
and doesn’t define me

determined to remember
that I’m covered by grace
and don’t have to be perfect

I radiate light

Visualizing that light
swells me with strength

I sit a bit straighter
I lean forward and smile

For I am not defined
by this conversation
and I will not cower
anticipating criticism

someone's opinion

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