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Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Mind Games

Posted in Healing, Poetry, tagged , , , , , on August 22, 2012| 11 Comments »

You mess with my mind
You play games with my head

You show up in my life
when you feel like it
but ignore me
when I  need you

I’m hopeful
then scared
then angry
then abandoned

I try to connect
to build a relationship
desperate to have
what I have always craved
with you

and when you don’t respond
then I try to let go
try to move on
heal that open wound

and then somehow
you sense it
I am moving on
leaving the game

So you pull me back in

You give me a taste
You pretend to care
You do just enough
before disappearing again

you take
and take
I let you
I keep coming back for more

because
I don’t really know
how to make it stop
how to let go completely

because
that might hurt
even more
than this

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Why didn’t you?

Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , on August 12, 2012| 9 Comments »

Why didn’t you…
Do what I needed you to do
Say what I needed to hear
Think about what I needed
Love me

Why didn’t you…
care about anyone
other than yourself

Why didn’t you…
lift me up
instead of tear me down

Why didn’t you…
keep your promises
or take care of me

Why didn’t you…
fix it
when you had
so many chances

Why didn’t you…
listen to my cries and
hear my heart breaking
as my world shattered
my life forever colored

Why didn’t you…
love me?

But
The hurt
The rage
They will not rule me

Because
It doesn’t matter
what you did
or what you didn’t do
I have value.

God listens to my cries
and holds me tight

God uses my shattered colors
to paint a beautiful canvas

God honors me and loves me
for exactly who I am
even with the hurt
even with the rage

God sees my worth
even when you
even when I
can’t.

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Listening to the Lies

Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , on July 25, 2012| 3 Comments »

Lies reverberate
inside my head
as a familiar concert

Negative
Degrading
Hurtful
Lies

Comments said in days gone by
become the station I tune in today

I watch
old stories dance in time,
linking arms with new experiences
pulling those fresh faces
onto a dance floor
coated with poison

The songs are
always the same:
I’m not good enough
I’m not smart enough
I’m not … enough

Why do I continue to play
these dissonant melodies?

Do these sad sounds
somehow bring me comfort
with their familiar tune?

Because
this chorus
is filled
with lies
and
I need to stop
replaying the verses.

New experiences must
lead a contemporary tango
What I hear and know today must
become the orchestral swell

I am enough
Just as I am
Just for who I am
Just because I am

me.

Old stories,
Old comments,
are played-out tunes
no longer welcome in this dance hall.

It’s time for new music
a new melody
a new dance

and to stop listening to the lies

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What Could Have Been

Posted in Healing, Poetry, tagged , , , , , , , , , on May 25, 2012| 2 Comments »

Sadness.
I’m sad.
Right?

I know I should be sad
And in many ways I am

But not in the ways –
Not for the things –
I am supposed to be.

I am sad for what wasn’t
not for the loss of what was

I am sad for the lost opportunities
I am sad for the relationship
that never really was

I am sad that my expectations
of what we could have been
were never realized.

Yes, I am sad.

And how my sadness manifests…
Well, there is no right way
There is no wrong way.

People grieve in different ways
People grieve for different things
Whose to say we aren’t all grieving
for what could have been?

I do know
that God sits right next to us
when we are sad.
No matter the reason, He sits.
He loves.
He hugs.

And it’s ok to be sad
for what could have been.

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Fear of disappointment

Posted in Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , on May 8, 2012| 4 Comments »

Disappointment
A golden lion
lounges in the grass
appears as an innocent
and playful cat
Yet in only a moment
will jump
rip out my heart
tear me in two

If I startle the cat
If I anger the cat
it may lift its mane
shake its head
show its teeth
roar

and I am afraid.

I don’t want you to let me down
I don’t want to let you down
So I don’t let you in

I don’t let you get close
I don’t let you near
I don’t expect anything from you
Keep the lion deep in slumber

O, who am I kidding?

I have expectations
I continue to have hopes
I continue to wish for things to be how I imagine them to be
The beast stirs and squints an eye

I try to resist
I pretend I can keep you out
I shield myself from you
I hide from disappointment

But expectations
wake the cat
I am exposed
and I am afraid.

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Feeling Hurt, Feeling Happy

Posted in Photo quotes, Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on March 25, 2012| 1 Comment »

I hate
feeling hurt
feeling stepped on
feeling overlooked
feeling left out
feeling betrayed
feeling cast aside
feeling put down
feeling teased
feeling ridiculed

feeling lost.

I love
feeling included
feeling valued
feeling special
feeling wanted
feeling encouraged
feeling smart
feeling funny
feeling important
feeling happy

feeling loved.

I know
I can’t have joy without being open to pain,
but when I hurt
God is there
to help me feel loved once again.

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If I Change Me

Posted in Photo quotes, Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , on March 13, 2012| 1 Comment »

I can change things about me
about how I interact
about how I process
about how I re-act

But if I am going to make any changes
I have to do it for me
because I want to

not for you
not because
you think I should
not because
you think
life would be
easier, better, happier
for me
(or maybe just you)

That’s your opinion
and unless I agree
and decide to make changes FOR me…

neither one of us will like me very much.

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Complete through Grace

Posted in i AM complete, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 29, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Thank you for joining me this month for the celebration of
i AM complete

as the month comes to a close, i want to remember:

no man, woman or child is needed to make me whole

no romantic comedy, or fairy tale, paints the real picture for me

i do not need to be rescued for a happily ever after

real love is kind, sincere, patient, never resents, and always apologizes

the roles i have in my life, no matter how well i do them, do not complete me

and God love me more than i can imagine, no matter what i do

i don’t need to be anything different
i don’t need to have anything different
i don’t need to do anything differently

because of God’s grace
i am a beautiful image of Him
just as i am.

i rest
and know
i am complete.

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Happily Ever After

Posted in i AM complete, Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , on February 27, 2012| 2 Comments »

Happily ever after
doesn’t look like the movies
doesn’t look like the fairy tales

Happily ever after
is not being swept off my feet
without a care in the world
my every need met
without speaking a word

Happily ever after
is when I express my needs
not expecting others to guess them

Happily ever after
is when we both put in
the time
the communication
the thoughtfulness
the work

But mostly

Happily ever after
is what I choose to make it
because I’m in charge
of my own story.

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Real Love

Posted in i AM complete, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2012| Leave a Comment »

How do we know if the love is real?  We are cherished for who we are.

Thank you, mama
for knowing what love should look like
for giving it with all your heart
for believing you deserve it in return

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