September 11, 2012 by Christine
Was it all my imagination?
All that time
I thought you cared about me
But maybe you only cared
about how I made you feel
how I helped you
how I listened to you
how it was always a focus
on you you you
Did you even know me?
Did you even like me?
for me?
There were times
I did share things with you
I did talk about my feelings
my hopes and my dreams
I know it wasn’t all bad
Sometimes you cared,
right?
Why do I miss you?
Do I really, or
Do I miss being needed
and taking care of you
So why do I miss you?
Why does my heart ache?
I don’t think I ever felt valued
for being me
only for what I did for you
Or
is that just the reaction I feel
the color of the memories
in my grief
Posted in Poetry, Self worth | Tagged grief, heartache, loss, love, relationships, sadness | 5 Comments »
September 2, 2012 by Christine
My prayer for you
today
that you know
you are loved
without conditions
without expectations
that you know
you are worthy
of all things good
and beautiful
and happy
that you feel
God’s love
wrap around you softly
a grandmother’s arms
and sweet kisses
on your head
that you know
how fiercely
God protects you
how He watches you closely
yet lets you run free
a child on a playground
under the watchful eyes
of a loving mom
that you know
you are beautiful
you are unique
you are loved
and for you I pray
Posted in Praise, Self worth | Tagged beautiful, God's love, love, poetry, prayer, protected, self worth, value | 4 Comments »
August 28, 2012 by Christine
Every day is something new
concepts to learn
circumstances for growth
Striving
Reaching
Practicing
Pretending to be
perfecting
But
perfect is not attainable
And
perfect is not necessary
Because
perfection paralyzes
I am unfinished
I always will be unfinished
and that is ok
Posted in Photo quotes, Self worth | Tagged expectations, growth, letting go, perfect, poetry, pressure, self worth, unfinished | 3 Comments »
August 25, 2012 by Christine
I am worthy.
Just as I am.
I don’t have to
do anything
spectacular
be anything
fabulous
say anything
profound
or fix
anything
to have worth.
Parts of my life are not perfect
I have made mistakes
and done things “wrong”
But I will not let imperfections
or the lies
from that useless emotion
of shame
keep me from knowing I have value
just as I am
today
no changes needed
no bad feelings warranted
I am human
I am worthy
I am loveable
I am fully me
and
I will need to accept me
if I want anyone
and everyone
to do the same
Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth | Tagged expectations, letting go, perfect, poetry, relationships, self worth, shame | 4 Comments »
August 22, 2012 by Christine
You mess with my mind
You play games with my head
You show up in my life
when you feel like it
but ignore me
when I need you
I’m hopeful
then scared
then angry
then abandoned
I try to connect
to build a relationship
desperate to have
what I have always craved
with you
and when you don’t respond
then I try to let go
try to move on
heal that open wound
and then somehow
you sense it
I am moving on
leaving the game
So you pull me back in
You give me a taste
You pretend to care
You do just enough
before disappearing again
you take
and take
I let you
I keep coming back for more
because
I don’t really know
how to make it stop
how to let go completely
because
that might hurt
even more
than this
Posted in Healing, Poetry | Tagged codependency, expectations, hurt, mind games, pressure, relationships | 11 Comments »
August 16, 2012 by Christine
Dear God
My pulse counts
each of the moments
that you think of me
each moment surrounded
each moment protected
each moment loved
by you
Effortless
I breathe in
I breathe out
without thought
But you know
each time that I do
I hurriedly ready for the day
taking sips of coffee
choosing clothes from the closet
brushing my teeth
brushing my hair
and you know exactly
how many sips
which clothes I will choose
how many hairs
I will lose to my comb
You know me
without effort
and
you know
my every moment
Posted in Praise | Tagged faith, God, gratitude, love, poetry, praise, prayer, thankfulness | 4 Comments »
August 12, 2012 by Christine
Why didn’t you…
Do what I needed you to do
Say what I needed to hear
Think about what I needed
Love me
Why didn’t you…
care about anyone
other than yourself
Why didn’t you…
lift me up
instead of tear me down
Why didn’t you…
keep your promises
or take care of me
Why didn’t you…
fix it
when you had
so many chances
Why didn’t you…
listen to my cries and
hear my heart breaking
as my world shattered
my life forever colored
Why didn’t you…
love me?
But
The hurt
The rage
They will not rule me
Because
It doesn’t matter
what you did
or what you didn’t do
I have value.
God listens to my cries
and holds me tight
God uses my shattered colors
to paint a beautiful canvas
God honors me and loves me
for exactly who I am
even with the hurt
even with the rage
God sees my worth
even when you
even when I
can’t.
Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth | Tagged expectations, forgiveness, God, letting go, love, relationships, self worth | 9 Comments »
August 5, 2012 by Christine
Each new day
I get to choose
My slice of life
my outlook and views
So today will it be a slice of fresh fruit
juicy and sweet
or a slice of pizza
a soft, gooey treat
How about a slice of cake
filled with sugar and spice
or a slice of warm bread
comfortingly nice
Or maybe today
I’m feeling beat
so it’s a slice of old cheese
smelling of feet
You may chose differently
and you may judge my choice
But my slice is my decision
and it’s always my voice
Posted in Photo quotes, Poetry, Self worth | Tagged decisions, expectations, personal power, poetry, pressure, self worth | 3 Comments »
July 31, 2012 by Christine
I got it wrong
and yet,
it is going to be ok
The world won’t stop spinning
Volcanoes won’t erupt
Storms won’t bring floods
The people who love me
will still love me
I expect
and need
to have all the answers
I expect
and need
to always be right
And when I’m not
when my info is wrong
when I make a mistake
when I do the wrong thing
I fall apart inside.
I don’t want to be rejected.
But here’s the truth: I don’t have to be right to have value.
My value isn’t based on
what I know
what I do
how smart I am
how often I am right
or wrong
I just have to be
just be me
to have value and worth
and yes,
the world will stay in orbit
Posted in Poetry, Self worth | Tagged expectations, love, mistakes, perfect, poetry, pressure, self worth | Leave a Comment »
July 25, 2012 by Christine
Lies reverberate
inside my head
as a familiar concert
Negative
Degrading
Hurtful
Lies
Comments said in days gone by
become the station I tune in today
I watch
old stories dance in time,
linking arms with new experiences
pulling those fresh faces
onto a dance floor
coated with poison
The songs are
always the same:
I’m not good enough
I’m not smart enough
I’m not … enough
Why do I continue to play
these dissonant melodies?
Do these sad sounds
somehow bring me comfort
with their familiar tune?
Because
this chorus
is filled
with lies
and
I need to stop
replaying the verses.
New experiences must
lead a contemporary tango
What I hear and know today must
become the orchestral swell
I am enough
Just as I am
Just for who I am
Just because I am
me.
Old stories,
Old comments,
are played-out tunes
no longer welcome in this dance hall.
It’s time for new music
a new melody
a new dance
and to stop listening to the lies
Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth | Tagged inner turmoil, lies, relationships, self talk, self worth | 3 Comments »
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