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Archive for December, 2011

Dear Heavenly Father,

A new year approaches

I thank you for the opportunity it brings

to see you better
to know you deeper
to let go of my need for control
let go of my need to know all the answers
before I even know the questions

another opportunity to start fresh

to learn something new
to love
to trust
to sing

to sit in your arms

Thank you for loving me
even though I don’t understand it all the time
I know it’s real
and I will cherish it.

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It’s the time of year
for me to IMPROVE

So what will it be
this year…

eat more veggies?
exercise more?
read the entire bible?
quit a bad habit?
volunteer?
organize all the closets?
remodel the kitchen?
go back to school?
start a new hobby?
clean that garage?
finish a 1/2-done craft project?
get out of debt?
do more of this?
do less of that?

Stop.

How about…
Be kind to myself.
Know that I am loved.
Sit in the arms of the Father.

And
maybe
finally
this year
I will
know my worth.

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Please
don’t buy me anything
don’t get me a gift
so much turmoil surrounds it
it’s just not fun

Agonizing issues with gifts.

What if I don’t get you something?
What if mine’s not good enough?
What if I don’t really like it?
What if I disappoint you with my reaction?

what do you want in return?
only gratitude?
thing is,
I don’t really
believe that

I seem so ungrateful
Almost hateful
Undeserving
Unworthy

D I S T R U S T I N G.

I haven’t always been this way
I don’t have to be this way
I choose not to be this way

Can I let go of my issues with gifts?
Can I accept the greatest gift of all?
God’s grace

I am worthy.
I can trust.
And I thank you.

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Even though you didn’t…

Treat kindly
Encourage unabashedly
Think thoughtfully
Protect fiercely
Wait patiently
Speak sweetly
Touch gently
Listen compassionately
Give unselfishly
Trust completely
Love unconditionally

And I deserve it
all

God can do it
all

You’re not perfect
I’m not perfect

But with God’s love
and grace

I’m ok anyway

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It’s Christmastime!

Gotta find the perfect tree

Gotta put up the perfect lights

Gotta buy the perfect gifts
at the perfect sale prices

Gotta set up the perfect decorations

Gotta get the perfect outfits

Gotta bake the perfect cookies

Gotta cook the perfect meal

Gotta make the most perfect of all memories

Gotta pause.

Christ was the perfect gift, given to us by God,
so that we don’t have to be perfect.
We are free
We don’t need to do anything
We are valuable, loved, cherished, and complete
not by what we find, get, set, make
but just in who we are

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Sometimes

when things don’t go exactly as I thought they would go
for whatever reason

I attack myself.
I beat myself up.
I wonder why it happened
the way that it did,
and in the pit of myself,
believe that it’s my fault.

Expectations. Evil Expectations.

When they are not met,
by others
or myself

Somehow, that instantly reflects on my worth.
The self condemnation starts
It must be that I’m not good enough,
It must be that I did something wrong.

But that’s a lie.

I know the truth.
I know that no matter what I do,
No matter how I imagine things
No matter how things happen

I am loved.
I am valued.
I am precious.

And I don’t have to meet my own expectations,
or yours,
to be that way.

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Ever have those days
when you are just
feeling fat?

Clothes don’t fit their best
The mirror isn’t being kind
Energy is low
And you start picking on yourself

It’s not really about fatness
because it happens to us at any shape or size

It’s about self-worth
Knowing that we have value
regardless of
ANYTHING

We have to break the cycle of negative self-talk
Stop listening to the lies
Stop getting sucked into the game

Reminder:
I have value
I have a beautiful soul
I am loved by God
I am cherished by God
He made me a perfect creation

I need to stay in touch with that love
share that love with others

focus on the things that are truly important
and get over myself

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