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Archive for May, 2012

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silence
then
screams

terror
delight

wind
whips
through my soul

twist
turn
dip
jump
upside down
inside out

laughter
joy
tears
sorrow

God is my safety harness

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Today
I will not feel pressured
to DO anything

Today
I will work on just being
I will work on just relaxing

and that’s ok –
in fact, it’s perfect

Why do I find myself in judgment when I’m not “being productive”?

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Sadness.
I’m sad.
Right?

I know I should be sad
And in many ways I am

But not in the ways –
Not for the things –
I am supposed to be.

I am sad for what wasn’t
not for the loss of what was

I am sad for the lost opportunities
I am sad for the relationship
that never really was

I am sad that my expectations
of what we could have been
were never realized.

Yes, I am sad.

And how my sadness manifests…
Well, there is no right way
There is no wrong way.

People grieve in different ways
People grieve for different things
Whose to say we aren’t all grieving
for what could have been?

I do know
that God sits right next to us
when we are sad.
No matter the reason, He sits.
He loves.
He hugs.

And it’s ok to be sad
for what could have been.

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My value is not determined by:

the money I make,
the size of my paycheck
or even if i get one

the clothes I have,
where I got them
or the labels inside them

the house I live in,
if I own or rent
or the neighborhood it’s in

the car I drive,
practical and old
or fancy and new

the diplomas I have,
where they are from
or where they “should” be from

It’s all just stuff.

God doesn’t care
what clothes I wear
what car I drive

He loves me in spite of my stuff.

When I get caught up in needing more, needing new
He still loves me
He waits right by me
saying

“Ok, kiddo – if you think so
but I don’t care about your stuff –
having that is not going to make you feel whole
or make you feel better.
But I will let you figure it out,
and I will just love you.”

My worth, my value, is not determined by what I own.
I refuse to feel less than
someone with more
because
I am more
than my stuff

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God’s perfect love replaces all fear

Because He loves us
so truly
so deeply
so perfectly

Those times I glimpse
that perfect love
a wash of warm light
fills my soul

Some days I am grasping
struggling to reach out
to remember to trust Him
to let go of my own expectations

But when I do –
when I sit in His perfect love
I know why we are here
and I just want to know Him

Help me, Lord
to sit with you
today

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Sometimes Moms

forget all the things they do
forget all the things they have done

Sometimes Moms

focus on things they think they should have done
focus on things still yet to do
focus on things they could have done differently

Wait, Moms –

that misses the point
that cancels the good
that silences the truth

Moms

do all that they can
with all that they have
for everyone they love
in any given minute

Moms are heroes
especially because
they are not perfect.

The only one who expects
a perfect mom
is Mom.

♥ Happy Mother’s Day ♥
to the beautiful, worthy,
beloved just as you are
♥ Moms of the world ♥

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Disappointment
A golden lion
lounges in the grass
appears as an innocent
and playful cat
Yet in only a moment
will jump
rip out my heart
tear me in two

If I startle the cat
If I anger the cat
it may lift its mane
shake its head
show its teeth
roar

and I am afraid.

I don’t want you to let me down
I don’t want to let you down
So I don’t let you in

I don’t let you get close
I don’t let you near
I don’t expect anything from you
Keep the lion deep in slumber

O, who am I kidding?

I have expectations
I continue to have hopes
I continue to wish for things to be how I imagine them to be
The beast stirs and squints an eye

I try to resist
I pretend I can keep you out
I shield myself from you
I hide from disappointment

But expectations
wake the cat
I am exposed
and I am afraid.

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I love this post, have been contemplating it for a few days, and want to share with you now. I know sometimes I have a fear of not being whole, of being broken, but really, all that we go through makes us stronger… thank you El, for such a lovely new lens for me to view life through. ❤

runningfromhellwithel

I glance at my ankle and rub my fingers over the protruding bones.  Two cuts divide the front of my lower tibia from the crowded bone depot where the ligaments and the tendons wrap and curl from the lower tibia to the 26 bones that make up my right foot.  Last Thursday a closet door tipped over and slammed into my ankle.  The swelling from the collision of wood and foot has gone down and the bruising has changed from blue to green and now to yellow.  I smile and rub the scar that runs between the two scrape-cuts.

The scar takes me back to a time many years ago when I fell in the rain and fractured that bone in two places.  When I fell, I dropped like a pile of bricks and I knew without a moment’s doubt that I wasn’t getting up anytime soon.  Adrenaline coursed through…

View original post 435 more words

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I can do all things through Christ
who strengthens me.

But do I allow it?
Do I let go enough
of my own need to control
to allow God’s miracles to happen?

Lord,
Help me to let go
Help me to give it all to you
It is through your power alone
that my life will be filled

Nothing I do
Nothing I plan
Nothing I say

directs my path as clearly
As when I am still
and listen to your voice

I don’t have to figure it all out
I don’t have to have it all planned

I just need to trust you, God
I choose
to trust you

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