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Posts Tagged ‘expectations’

Anxiety

Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2012| 8 Comments »

I waffle

acknowledge that I’m not feeling great
and wonder if I should stay home today
but then shake my head
to clear that thought
and say
Suck it up!
Charge Ahead!

So I try
to suck it up
to do the daily routine
to meet expectations

Yet I find
I’m still screaming
on the inside

too many thoughts
but nothing coherent
spinning
unsafe
relentless

life must go on
I must try to function
or at least pretend
Does anyone see through me?

My insides scream
“I can’t function!”
Yet here I am
walking to the front entrance
I remembered to bring a snack
but didn’t bother to match my clothes
or style my hair

Because it’s all a show
and I can only prepare
so many of the props
sew together so many of the costumes
paint so many of the backdrops
before my makeup
starts to melt
under the hot lights

But I walk in and smile
say good morning to all
I ask about your weekend
I get started on my tasks

and inside
I’m still screaming

AND THEN
I remind myself that

even though I feel this way
even though I don’t know what to do
even though I am lost and unsure
even though I don’t have all the answers
even though tomorrow may be worse

none of this impacts my worth
none of it speaks to my value
I don’t have to stop
screaming
in order to have worth
I don’t have to stop
pretending
in order to have worth

I am valuable just as I am
clothes mismatched
hair askew
internally disjointed

God loves me
exactly as I am
exactly this minute
and He sits with me
and comforts me
through anxiety

And in a few moments
or maybe a day or two
it just might
be better
an answer may come
the path may become clear
I may know what to do
I may feel better
I may, just may,
remember my worth

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Seeing Potential

Posted in Healing, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , on October 25, 2012| 13 Comments »

Heartsick
and frustrated
when we can see
that people could be
so much more
so much bigger
so much greater
so much happier

if they only choose
to let go

to let go of some of their demons
some of their own insecurities
some of their own self-hatred

we can’t do it for them

and
it’s unimaginable for me
to let go of the HOPE
of anyone’s potential

if only he would ___
things would be awesome

maybe I could just ___
and it would all be ok

but I have to realize
that I can’t
I can’t fix it.
I can’t fix it for anyone
other than me

And so I must move on
without him
and focus on seeing
my own potential

 

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My Path

Posted in Healing, Self worth, tagged , , , , , on October 19, 2012| 7 Comments »

Only I can know my own experience.
Only I can know my own direction.

My path is probably different from yours –
it is mine after all.

Walk with me, add comfort and company,
but please, never tell me I’m doing it wrong.

I may not always be “right”
I may sometimes get a little lost
but that’s all
part of my journey
and none of it
is ever wrong

It’s my path
and only I
can say where it goes.

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Unfinished

Posted in Photo quotes, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , on August 28, 2012| 3 Comments »

Every day is something new
concepts to learn
circumstances for growth

Striving
Reaching
Practicing
Pretending to be
perfecting

But
perfect is not attainable
And
perfect is not necessary
Because
perfection paralyzes

I am unfinished
I always will be unfinished
and that is ok

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I Am Worthy

Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , on August 25, 2012| 4 Comments »

I am worthy.

Just as I am.

I don’t have to

do anything
spectacular

be anything
fabulous

say anything
profound

or fix
anything

to have worth.

Parts of my life are not perfect
I have made mistakes
and done things “wrong”

But I will not let imperfections
or the lies
from that useless emotion
of shame

keep me from knowing I have value
just as I am
today

no changes needed
no bad feelings warranted

I am human
I am worthy
I am loveable
I am fully me

and
I will need to accept me
if I want anyone
and everyone
to do the same

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Mind Games

Posted in Healing, Poetry, tagged , , , , , on August 22, 2012| 11 Comments »

You mess with my mind
You play games with my head

You show up in my life
when you feel like it
but ignore me
when I  need you

I’m hopeful
then scared
then angry
then abandoned

I try to connect
to build a relationship
desperate to have
what I have always craved
with you

and when you don’t respond
then I try to let go
try to move on
heal that open wound

and then somehow
you sense it
I am moving on
leaving the game

So you pull me back in

You give me a taste
You pretend to care
You do just enough
before disappearing again

you take
and take
I let you
I keep coming back for more

because
I don’t really know
how to make it stop
how to let go completely

because
that might hurt
even more
than this

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Why didn’t you?

Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , on August 12, 2012| 9 Comments »

Why didn’t you…
Do what I needed you to do
Say what I needed to hear
Think about what I needed
Love me

Why didn’t you…
care about anyone
other than yourself

Why didn’t you…
lift me up
instead of tear me down

Why didn’t you…
keep your promises
or take care of me

Why didn’t you…
fix it
when you had
so many chances

Why didn’t you…
listen to my cries and
hear my heart breaking
as my world shattered
my life forever colored

Why didn’t you…
love me?

But
The hurt
The rage
They will not rule me

Because
It doesn’t matter
what you did
or what you didn’t do
I have value.

God listens to my cries
and holds me tight

God uses my shattered colors
to paint a beautiful canvas

God honors me and loves me
for exactly who I am
even with the hurt
even with the rage

God sees my worth
even when you
even when I
can’t.

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Choose a Slice

Posted in Photo quotes, Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , on August 5, 2012| 3 Comments »

Each new day
I get to choose
My slice of life
my outlook and views

So today will it be a slice of fresh fruit
juicy and sweet

or a slice of pizza
a soft, gooey treat

How about a slice of cake
filled with sugar and spice

or a slice of warm bread
comfortingly nice

Or maybe today
I’m feeling beat
so it’s a slice of old cheese
smelling of feet

You may chose differently
and you may judge my choice
But my slice is my decision
and it’s always my voice

 

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I Was Wrong

Posted in Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , on July 31, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I got it wrong
and yet,
it is going to be ok

The world won’t stop spinning
Volcanoes won’t erupt
Storms won’t bring floods
The people who love me
will still love me

I expect
and need
to have all the answers
I expect
and need
to always be right

And when I’m not
when my info is wrong
when I make a mistake
when I do the wrong thing
I fall apart inside.
I don’t want to be rejected.

But here’s the truth: I don’t have to be right to have value.

My value isn’t based on
what I know
what I do
how smart I am
how often I am right
or wrong

I just have to be
just be me
to have value and worth
and yes,
the world will stay in orbit

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Perfect

Posted in Photo quotes, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , on July 3, 2012| 9 Comments »

I don’t have to be
perfect
to make the world a better place
to offer something
to you

My flaws
My mistakes
They will surface
often when I least expect them

And yet

making a mistake
doing it “wrong”
showing my imperfections
These are not reasons
to give up

Instead
these are opportunities
to be genuine
to be vulnerable
to try again

If I wait
to be perfect
or even “better“

People will miss out on
all that I am today
and this gal
has something to give

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