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Posts Tagged ‘anxiety’

Anxiety

Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2012| 8 Comments »

I waffle

acknowledge that I’m not feeling great
and wonder if I should stay home today
but then shake my head
to clear that thought
and say
Suck it up!
Charge Ahead!

So I try
to suck it up
to do the daily routine
to meet expectations

Yet I find
I’m still screaming
on the inside

too many thoughts
but nothing coherent
spinning
unsafe
relentless

life must go on
I must try to function
or at least pretend
Does anyone see through me?

My insides scream
“I can’t function!”
Yet here I am
walking to the front entrance
I remembered to bring a snack
but didn’t bother to match my clothes
or style my hair

Because it’s all a show
and I can only prepare
so many of the props
sew together so many of the costumes
paint so many of the backdrops
before my makeup
starts to melt
under the hot lights

But I walk in and smile
say good morning to all
I ask about your weekend
I get started on my tasks

and inside
I’m still screaming

AND THEN
I remind myself that

even though I feel this way
even though I don’t know what to do
even though I am lost and unsure
even though I don’t have all the answers
even though tomorrow may be worse

none of this impacts my worth
none of it speaks to my value
I don’t have to stop
screaming
in order to have worth
I don’t have to stop
pretending
in order to have worth

I am valuable just as I am
clothes mismatched
hair askew
internally disjointed

God loves me
exactly as I am
exactly this minute
and He sits with me
and comforts me
through anxiety

And in a few moments
or maybe a day or two
it just might
be better
an answer may come
the path may become clear
I may know what to do
I may feel better
I may, just may,
remember my worth

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Not Alone

Posted in Healing, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , on October 14, 2012| 4 Comments »

When I feel anxious,
fearful and dismayed,
what is the lie that is getting in?

That I am not safe
That I am alone
That I am unloved

When I feel lethargic,
listless and drained,
what is the lie that is getting in?

That I am living without purpose
That I am alone
That I am unloved

When I feel blue,
cloudy and detached,
what is the lie that is getting in?

That I am not worthy
That I am alone
That I am unloved

BUT

Not one
None
Zero
of these thoughts are true

Lies and falsehoods
whispered in my ear
by demons perhaps
whispered through my mind
old stories replayed
through a child’s lens

SO

I make a choice
with an adult mind
and knowledge of truth
I will not listen
to those whispers

FOR

deep in my soul I know
TRUTH
I am not alone
Instead
I am loved beyond measure
by a God
who
cradles my heart
who
swaddles my soul
and carries me
away from whispers
and lies

AND

I will not feel anxious
listless or blue
For I am not alone

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Prayer for Depression

Posted in Healing, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , on June 9, 2012| 8 Comments »

Dear God,

I know that sometimes you meet me
in the places I least expect
and how I think things should be
is not always the way you think they should be

So, I humbly ask you to just
be with me through this
I refuse to see myself as less than anyone else
because of this
but ask that you be with me, and meet me where I am

Help me to know that your plans are bigger
than what i think they should be
and that maybe
you will use these experiences in my life
to help others
and to bring me closer to you

And so when I feel sad
when I am depressed or anxious
I will not pray for healing
I will not pray for it to be lifted

I will sit in my feelings
knowing there is nothing wrong with them
I will accept your timing
and rejoice in my experiences
and know
there is nothing wrong with me

♥ Amen ♥

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No Worries Today

Posted in Photo quotes, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , on January 20, 2012| 1 Comment »

 

Dear God, help me enjoy today without anticipating difficulty
without worrying that something will go wrong
that expectations will not be met
that something will happen
that something, anything, everything…

Help me stop.
Help me rest in you
Help me give it all over to you

and I will enjoy this day you have made

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Self Sabotage

Posted in Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 8, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Sometimes

when things are going well
things are just so right
having fun
feeling good
happy

I can’t enjoy it.

I am waiting for the shoe to drop
the bad taste to arrive
the bricks to shatter
the fist to punch
the hateful comments
to ring in my ears
to squelch my happiness

Maybe the shoe
will even be
something I do
something I say
that messes things up

Not that bad
has to be coming
but I anticipate it will
and in doing
create an internal sabotage.

Anticipating the shoe
can be worse than the shoe itself.

But

I don’t have to live this way
I can delight in God
and know that He is there at all times

He delights in my delights
He is happy when I am happy
and He is there
when happiness is not.

He will hold me tightly
if a shoe, taste, brick, fist, or comment
comes into my life
whether I anticipate
its arrival
or not.

So

in the meantime, I need want to be happy.

Thank you, Lord, for happy.

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