Know My Worth

Sometimes

when things are going well
things are just so right
having fun
feeling good
happy

I can’t enjoy it.

I am waiting for the shoe to drop
the bad taste to arrive
the bricks to shatter
the fist to punch
the hateful comments
to ring in my ears
to squelch my happiness

Maybe the shoe
will even be
something I do
something I say
that messes things up

Not that bad
has to be coming
but I anticipate it will
and in doing
create an internal sabotage.

Anticipating the shoe
can be worse than the shoe itself.

But

I don’t have to live this way
I can delight in God
and know that He is there at all times

He delights in my delights
He is happy when I am happy
and He is there
when happiness is not.

He will hold me tightly
if a shoe, taste, brick, fist, or comment
comes into my life
whether I anticipate
its arrival
or not.

So

in the meantime, I need want to be happy.

Thank you, Lord, for happy.