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Posts Tagged ‘feelings’

Dear God,

I know that sometimes you meet me
in the places I least expect
and how I think things should be
is not always the way you think they should be

So, I humbly ask you to just
be with me through this
I refuse to see myself as less than anyone else
because of this
but ask that you be with me, and meet me where I am

Help me to know that your plans are bigger
than what i think they should be
and that maybe
you will use these experiences in my life
to help others
and to bring me closer to you

And so when I feel sad
when I am depressed or anxious
I will not pray for healing
I will not pray for it to be lifted

I will sit in my feelings
knowing there is nothing wrong with them
I will accept your timing
and rejoice in my experiences
and know
there is nothing wrong with me

♥ Amen ♥

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ker-chunk

silence
then
screams

terror
delight

wind
whips
through my soul

twist
turn
dip
jump
upside down
inside out

laughter
joy
tears
sorrow

God is my safety harness

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Sadness.
I’m sad.
Right?

I know I should be sad
And in many ways I am

But not in the ways –
Not for the things –
I am supposed to be.

I am sad for what wasn’t
not for the loss of what was

I am sad for the lost opportunities
I am sad for the relationship
that never really was

I am sad that my expectations
of what we could have been
were never realized.

Yes, I am sad.

And how my sadness manifests…
Well, there is no right way
There is no wrong way.

People grieve in different ways
People grieve for different things
Whose to say we aren’t all grieving
for what could have been?

I do know
that God sits right next to us
when we are sad.
No matter the reason, He sits.
He loves.
He hugs.

And it’s ok to be sad
for what could have been.

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Is it time?

Am I ready for transformation?
To come out of a cocoon,
To burst forth into the light?

Sometimes the thought scares me
I want to just stay hidden
Sheltered within the wrapping I have created

But God has other plans

He wants to
Shine His light
through His children
Show His glory
with magnificently colored wings

Am I ready to see myself
how God sees me?
Am I ready to transform?

Is it time?

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I hate
feeling hurt
feeling stepped on
feeling overlooked
feeling left out
feeling betrayed
feeling cast aside
feeling put down
feeling teased
feeling ridiculed

feeling lost.

I love
feeling included
feeling valued
feeling special
feeling wanted
feeling encouraged
feeling smart
feeling funny
feeling important
feeling happy

feeling loved.

I know
I can’t have joy without being open to pain,
but when I hurt
God is there
to help me feel loved once again.

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I am told
or sometimes tell myself
that
how I see things
is different from
how anyone else sees things
so it must not be right

But that’s a lie.

A lie told in my head
or to my face
that says “I’m different”
I’m just being “dramatic”
I’m just being “out there”
I’m just being “silly”

and so my thoughts and feelings
are discounted
I am dismissed by those
around me
or by me

but my feelings are important
my experiences have brought me
to them
I can have insight
I can have wisdom
I do have knowledge
based on those experiences
based on how I see things

and I don’t think I’m that different after all.

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Sometimes

when things are going well
things are just so right
having fun
feeling good
happy

I can’t enjoy it.

I am waiting for the shoe to drop
the bad taste to arrive
the bricks to shatter
the fist to punch
the hateful comments
to ring in my ears
to squelch my happiness

Maybe the shoe
will even be
something I do
something I say
that messes things up

Not that bad
has to be
coming
but I anticipate it will
and in doing
create an internal sabotage.

Anticipating the shoe
can be worse than the shoe itself.

But

I don’t have to live this way
I can delight in God
and know that He is there at all times

He delights in my delights
He is happy when I am happy
and He is there
when happiness is not.

He will hold me tightly
if a shoe, taste, brick, fist, or comment
comes into my life
whether I anticipate
its arrival
or not.

So

in the meantime, I need want to be happy.

Thank you, Lord, for happy.

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