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Posts Tagged ‘expectations’

Self Sabotage

Posted in Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 8, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Sometimes

when things are going well
things are just so right
having fun
feeling good
happy

I can’t enjoy it.

I am waiting for the shoe to drop
the bad taste to arrive
the bricks to shatter
the fist to punch
the hateful comments
to ring in my ears
to squelch my happiness

Maybe the shoe
will even be
something I do
something I say
that messes things up

Not that bad
has to be coming
but I anticipate it will
and in doing
create an internal sabotage.

Anticipating the shoe
can be worse than the shoe itself.

But

I don’t have to live this way
I can delight in God
and know that He is there at all times

He delights in my delights
He is happy when I am happy
and He is there
when happiness is not.

He will hold me tightly
if a shoe, taste, brick, fist, or comment
comes into my life
whether I anticipate
its arrival
or not.

So

in the meantime, I need want to be happy.

Thank you, Lord, for happy.

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You Can’t Make Me

Posted in Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on January 4, 2012| 7 Comments »

You can’t make me

say any certain words

feel any certain feelings

think any certain thoughts

look any certain style

act any certain way

be any certain woman

You can
criticize
cajole
critique
advise
intimidate
mock
beach stroll by Matthew Bowden“help”

but still

You can’t
make me
anything.

I choose
my actions
reactions

I choose
to know
who I am

separate from
who you think
I am

instead
connected to
who God thinks
I am

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Agonizing Issues with Gifts

Posted in Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Please
don’t buy me anything
don’t get me a gift
so much turmoil surrounds it
it’s just not fun

Agonizing issues with gifts.

What if I don’t get you something?
What if mine’s not good enough?
What if I don’t really like it?
What if I disappoint you with my reaction?

what do you want in return?
only gratitude?
thing is,
I don’t really
believe that

I seem so ungrateful
Almost hateful
Undeserving
Unworthy

D I S T R U S T I N G.

I haven’t always been this way
I don’t have to be this way
I choose not to be this way

Can I let go of my issues with gifts?
Can I accept the greatest gift of all?
God’s grace

I am worthy.
I can trust.
And I thank you.

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Expectations

Posted in Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , on December 8, 2011| 2 Comments »

Sometimes

when things don’t go exactly as I thought they would go
for whatever reason

I attack myself.
I beat myself up.
I wonder why it happened
the way that it did,
and in the pit of myself,
believe that it’s my fault.

Expectations. Evil Expectations.

When they are not met,
by others
or myself

Somehow, that instantly reflects on my worth.
The self condemnation starts
It must be that I’m not good enough,
It must be that I did something wrong.

But that’s a lie.

I know the truth.
I know that no matter what I do,
No matter how I imagine things
No matter how things happen

I am loved.
I am valued.
I am precious.

And I don’t have to meet my own expectations,
or yours,
to be that way.

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