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Archive for October, 2012

Heartsick
and frustrated
when we can see
that people could be
so much more
so much bigger
so much greater
so much happier

if they only choose
to let go

to let go of some of their demons
some of their own insecurities
some of their own self-hatred

we can’t do it for them

and
it’s unimaginable for me
to let go of the HOPE
of anyone’s potential

if only he would ___
things would be awesome

maybe I could just ___
and it would all be ok

but I have to realize
that I can’t
I can’t fix it.
I can’t fix it for anyone
other than me

And so I must move on
without him
and focus on seeing
my own potential

 

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Only I can know my own experience.
Only I can know my own direction.

My path is probably different from yours –
it is mine after all.

Walk with me, add comfort and company,
but please, never tell me I’m doing it wrong.

I may not always be “right”
I may sometimes get a little lost
but that’s all
part of my journey
and none of it
is ever wrong

It’s my path
and only I
can say where it goes.

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When I feel anxious,
fearful and dismayed,
what is the lie that is getting in?

That I am not safe
That I am alone
That I am unloved

When I feel lethargic,
listless and drained,
what is the lie that is getting in?

That I am living without purpose
That I am alone
That I am unloved

When I feel blue,
cloudy and detached,
what is the lie that is getting in?

That I am not worthy
That I am alone
That I am unloved

BUT

Not one
None
Zero
of these thoughts are true

Lies and falsehoods
whispered in my ear
by demons perhaps
whispered through my mind
old stories replayed
through a child’s lens

SO

I make a choice
with an adult mind
and knowledge of truth
I will not listen
to those whispers

FOR

deep in my soul I know
TRUTH
I am not alone
Instead
I am loved beyond measure
by a God
who
cradles my heart
who
swaddles my soul
and carries me
away from whispers
and lies

AND

I will not feel anxious
listless or blue
For I am not alone

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Today is declared an International Day of the Girl Child
I hope that one day
all girls, all over the world
can be
anything
and
everything
they want to be

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It’s been a year
since I cut you from my life

It was important to see you go
I needed to say goodbye

You were no good for me
What you made me do
was poisonous
What you made me feel
was just an escape

The last several years
I kept you a secret
sneaking in a moment or two with you
whenever I could be unseen
be undiscovered

But oh
how I do miss you at times!
You brought me comfort
and made me feel safe
when I felt anxious or unsure
you were a part of my every day

But the safety was false
the security wasn’t true
You actually heightened my anxiety
and made me unwell

And so you had to go
because I knew
you were no good for me
You didn’t align
with who I am
or what I value
You weren’t meant to be a part of who I am
and I needed to say goodbye

Thanks for the good times
but I’m glad you are gone
goodbye
dear cigarettes
goodbye

 

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