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Posts Tagged ‘codependency’

Controlling the River

Posted in Healing, Poetry, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , on November 13, 2012| 17 Comments »

My river of codependency
deep and powerful
I tumble along
swept away
with the current

old habits
can
flow unheeded

I grasp at branches
looking for my self worth
along this twisting river

If I help you, will I feel valued?
If I lead this group, will I feel treasured?
If I do a good job, will I feel needed?
If I love you, will you love me?

And when you don’t need me
the grass pulls from its roots
and when situations don’t meet my expectations
the branch snaps from the tree

So branches
slip from my fingers
grasses and roots
pull from the edge
I pitch and twist
bumping into rocks
floundering through rapids
clinging to scraps
of debris
confused
and afraid

And then I remember
I control this river
I do not need to grasp and cling
to debris or branches

My worth is internal
the love of God
spreads from my fingers
light pours around me
and creates a raft
the water slows
I’m buoyed by light
and I float
watching the banks
pass on by

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Seeing Potential

Posted in Healing, Self worth, tagged , , , , , , , , on October 25, 2012| 13 Comments »

Heartsick
and frustrated
when we can see
that people could be
so much more
so much bigger
so much greater
so much happier

if they only choose
to let go

to let go of some of their demons
some of their own insecurities
some of their own self-hatred

we can’t do it for them

and
it’s unimaginable for me
to let go of the HOPE
of anyone’s potential

if only he would ___
things would be awesome

maybe I could just ___
and it would all be ok

but I have to realize
that I can’t
I can’t fix it.
I can’t fix it for anyone
other than me

And so I must move on
without him
and focus on seeing
my own potential

 

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Mind Games

Posted in Healing, Poetry, tagged , , , , , on August 22, 2012| 11 Comments »

You mess with my mind
You play games with my head

You show up in my life
when you feel like it
but ignore me
when I  need you

I’m hopeful
then scared
then angry
then abandoned

I try to connect
to build a relationship
desperate to have
what I have always craved
with you

and when you don’t respond
then I try to let go
try to move on
heal that open wound

and then somehow
you sense it
I am moving on
leaving the game

So you pull me back in

You give me a taste
You pretend to care
You do just enough
before disappearing again

you take
and take
I let you
I keep coming back for more

because
I don’t really know
how to make it stop
how to let go completely

because
that might hurt
even more
than this

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