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Posts Tagged ‘anxiety’

I’ve been doing this little series of love notes from God
on the Facebook page lately.

What little notes does God whisper to your heart?

03.10 Slide1

03.14 Slide2

notes from God6

notes from God

notes from God5

notes from God4

03.27 Slide3

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I wait

I wait for God
to open new doors
portals of change
though I’m not sure what

I wait for God
to meet my needs
physical and emotional
though I’m not sure how

I wait for God
to guide my steps
forward or sideways
though I’m not sure where

I wait

I wait for clarity
I wait for decisions
I wait for answers
I wait for understanding

I wait

Waiting feels helpless
powerless and futile
I want to take action
I want to have answers

Then I remember
the power in waiting
in truly waiting on God
and sitting in stillness

I can have peace while I wait
freedom in resting
deep breath in, deep breath out
I don’t have to see the whole picture
to know it is there

I can have trust while I wait
freedom in releasing
God will be there
even if I don’t know what my life will be

I can have hope while I wait
freedom in rejoicing
God is my life focus
and nothing else matters

I decide
that I will have faith

while I wait

girl waiting

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You are angry with me
and my reaction
is fear
bewildered
loss

I don’t know what to do
I don’t know how to act
I don’t know how to be
and I feel
that it’s my fault
that it’s now my role
to soothe your anger
to fix the situation
to change myself
to hide in shame

I didn’t meet your expectations
I didn’t do things as you would have done
I didn’t know the right way to answer
I didn’t prevent this very moment

But then I remember
I am a grown woman
who has thoughts
and feelings
that are just as valid
as anyone else

And I remember
it’s not actually
my job
to fix your anger

your anger
is your feeling
and just because
you have a feeling
I am not required
to do anything

Trying to force me
to change – to do or be
what you want me to do or be
is bullying

Your anger belongs to you
and you have every right to feel it
You can believe it’s righteous
You can believe it’s justified
You can believe it requires action

And I can disagree.

If I change
I will change for me
If you change
You will change for you

and if we continue to disagree
and you continue to be angry with me
then our paths will change

Because I will no longer be
afraid of anger

afraid of anger

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Oh, here, let me

Oh here, how about like this

Oh here, I know what you can do

Oh here, I can help

Oh here, I can do that for you

Oh here, I can make it happen

Oh here, why don’t you do it like this…

Oh here, what if you…

Oh here, how about like this…

Oh hereThe Fixer
let me
fix
everything
because
I’m the fixer

I can fix most anything
I have the best of ideas
and lots of solutions

because I am smart
and see things clearly

because I am helpful
and willing to assist

because I am giving
and have much to give

Yet
truly and deeply
if I look in my soul
I’m a fixer
to feel needed and wanted
and smart and resourceful
and important and liked
and loved

Yet
I am already all of these things
without fixing for you
so I will let you fix you
and maybe spend a little time
fixing me

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Sometimes I don’t wanna
be an adult

Sometimes I don’t want
to go to work
to pay the bills
to make important decisions
that impact others

Sometimes I don’t want
to be the responsible one
who “holds down the fort”
who takes care of everyone
who makes everything ok

Sometimes I wish
that I didn’t
know pain
know hurt
that I didn’t know
it always takes time
to heal

Sometimes I just want
to stand in the shower
until the hot water turns cold
and my hair is not yet clean
or better yet
sit in a tub
until wrinkled and shivering
shutting out the world
with the click of the door

Sometimes I just want
to lie on the couch
watch some numbing series
created in days long ago
wearing fuzzy animal pajamas
with 7up and Saltines
today comforting a soul
instead of a tummy

Sometimes I just want
to bury my fingers in warm dirt
sifting rocks from treasures
to cup my hands around a little moth
feel it flutter then fly away
to lie flat on the lawn
watching the clouds become stories
have conversation with ladybugs
and worry for her children

But I must find balance
for I am an adult

I pay the bills
to keep my comforts
I go to work
to make a difference
I make decisions
to take care of others
who have days
when they don’t wanna

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Do thisphoto by Maria Herrera
Do that

Say this
Say that

Think this
Think that

Buy this
Buy that

It’s gotta be done
It’s gotta be perfect
It’s gotta be just right
It’s gotta be now
for you to love me

BUT
that’s not the truth
AND
I take a deep breath
SO
I can slow my pace
I can stop the spin
I can be myself
I can sit still
and breathe

FOR
no matter what I
do
say
think
buy

I have worth
I am loved
and
I can rest

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I waffle

acknowledge that I’m not feeling great
and wonder if I should stay home today
but then shake my head
to clear that thought
and say
Suck it up!
Charge Ahead!

So I try
to suck it up
to do the daily routine
to meet expectations

Yet I find
I’m still screaming
on the inside

too many thoughts
but nothing coherent
spinning
unsafe
relentless

life must go on
I must try to function
or at least pretend
Does anyone see through me?

My insides scream
“I can’t function!”
Yet here I am
walking to the front entrance
I remembered to bring a snack
but didn’t bother to match my clothes
or style my hair

Because it’s all a show
and I can only prepare
so many of the props
sew together so many of the costumes
paint so many of the backdrops
before my makeup
starts to melt
under the hot lights

But I walk in and smile
say good morning to all
I ask about your weekend
I get started on my tasks

and inside
I’m still screaming

AND THEN
I remind myself that

even though I feel this way
even though I don’t know what to do
even though I am lost and unsure
even though I don’t have all the answers
even though tomorrow may be worse

none of this impacts my worth
none of it speaks to my value
I don’t have to stop
screaming
in order to have worth
I don’t have to stop
pretending
in order to have worth

I am valuable just as I am
clothes mismatched
hair askew
internally disjointed

God loves me
exactly as I am
exactly this minute
and He sits with me
and comforts me
through anxiety

And in a few moments
or maybe a day or two
it just might
be better
an answer may come
the path may become clear
I may know what to do
I may feel better
I may, just may,
remember my worth

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When I feel anxious,
fearful and dismayed,
what is the lie that is getting in?

That I am not safe
That I am alone
That I am unloved

When I feel lethargic,
listless and drained,
what is the lie that is getting in?

That I am living without purpose
That I am alone
That I am unloved

When I feel blue,
cloudy and detached,
what is the lie that is getting in?

That I am not worthy
That I am alone
That I am unloved

BUT

Not one
None
Zero
of these thoughts are true

Lies and falsehoods
whispered in my ear
by demons perhaps
whispered through my mind
old stories replayed
through a child’s lens

SO

I make a choice
with an adult mind
and knowledge of truth
I will not listen
to those whispers

FOR

deep in my soul I know
TRUTH
I am not alone
Instead
I am loved beyond measure
by a God
who
cradles my heart
who
swaddles my soul
and carries me
away from whispers
and lies

AND

I will not feel anxious
listless or blue
For I am not alone

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Dear God,

I know that sometimes you meet me
in the places I least expect
and how I think things should be
is not always the way you think they should be

So, I humbly ask you to just
be with me through this
I refuse to see myself as less than anyone else
because of this
but ask that you be with me, and meet me where I am

Help me to know that your plans are bigger
than what i think they should be
and that maybe
you will use these experiences in my life
to help others
and to bring me closer to you

And so when I feel sad
when I am depressed or anxious
I will not pray for healing
I will not pray for it to be lifted

I will sit in my feelings
knowing there is nothing wrong with them
I will accept your timing
and rejoice in my experiences
and know
there is nothing wrong with me

♥ Amen ♥

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Dear God, help me enjoy today without anticipating difficulty
without worrying that something will go wrong
that expectations will not be met
that something will happen
that something, anything, everything…

Help me stop.
Help me rest in you
Help me give it all over to you

and I will enjoy this day you have made

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