Why do I say “I’m sorry” when I have done nothing wrong?
It’s especially rotten when I say it
after you have hurt me
When you should be apologizing.
Do I feel guilt?
Do I feel shame?
Do I feel pity?
Something in me wants to make you feel better.
But what about how I feel?
I don’t have to be sorry when I have done nothing wrong.
I don’t have to be sorry when you hurt me.
I don’t have to accept the feelings of guilt, the feelings of shame, the feelings of pity.
Those feelings are toxic.
I will not allow you to try to make me to feel sorry when I have done nothing wrong.
I have value.
I’m not sorry
and that’s ok.
Omg- words from the heart!! That is exactly what I ask myself every time my friend and I disagree. I guess why I say sorry is because I want to move pass this issue and remind her that no matter what I love her and I am still here. But, has she ever did that for me? No, not once. So what is that feeling exactly? Why feel obligated? Deep down I know our friendship is over but I don’t know how to let go. Maybe because somewhere inside I want to save her from her evil ways but.. You can’t change people… Toxic indeed! Thank you for your post!! It hits home every time!! (tears)
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I knew I had an “I’m Sorry,” problem when I heard it come out of the mouth of my then 4 year old son. A man at the store hit him with the cart, and instead of my son crying and expressing his pain, he said to the man, “Oh, sorry!” It was the moment, I knew that something had to change in me. I can be who I am and deny my own worth, but I am more valuable than I realize. I am an example. When I do not express what I feel in honesty and when I take responsibility for that which is not mine, I teach my children to protect the feelings of others and not their own. I teach them to deny their own self worth.
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Worth. It exists..my worth. The person sitting next to me…their worth exists. God gives us our worth and it cannot be taken. Is it just a matter of changing the lens I most often look through to see it…to validate it..to beleive it. To choose to believe it for myself and others. It must come down to a choice. A choice to see it, live it and not deny it. I make the choice today.
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Gosh wow. I just shared this on my page. Really, this is how I am feeling today. I want my friend to want to behave better, so I am apologizing for how I am acting . . . hoping that she will follow my lead? But by acting with mercy, not justice, I am screwing myself over and ensuring that she learns nothing. What am I doing?
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It’s like a reflex sometimes, isn’t it El? But it’s toxic, so I hope you are able to shake it today!
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That is why I am talking to you all. I really needed to talk it over–but did not realize what I was doing until BOOM I read this. So I gotta figure out what I can do to take care of myself.
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Yup, really, WHY do we do this? (sent her via El!)
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Thanks for commenting Nina! Admitting we do is the first step, right? At least that’s what I tell myself. 🙂
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